I recently shared my thoughts about grandparenting, specifically focusing on my vision. With 16 grandchildren, it’s pretty essential to have a clear idea of what that looks like.
But, you see, it’s not just about my grandson; it’s also about figuring out how to navigate my role as a grandparent in relation to my grandkids’ parents. I think it’s important to acknowledge that most of the conflicts don’t happen between grandparents and grandkids but rather between grandparents and the parents.
Here are five key mistakes to steer clear of when interacting with your children as a grandparent.
Mistake #1: Viewing adult children as kids
Sure, they are your children, but really, they aren’t children anymore. It’s crucial not to treat them that way. They’ve grown up, just like you did when you were raising them. One of my grandchildren once said, “You’re mommy’s daddy, so tell mommy what to do!” While that’s true, it doesn’t quite work like that. More importantly, it’s not advisable.
Mistake #2: Confusing help with interference
I don’t know any parent who wouldn’t appreciate genuine help. But there’s a significant difference between lending a hand and interfering. Helping might mean babysitting or offering to clean, while interfering is about controlling their choices. Good help is about serving them as they need; interference often leads to frustration.
Mistake #3: Undermining rather than supporting
If your child asks you to do things a certain way, it’s best to follow those requests. Too many grandparents intentionally go against what the parents want, perhaps just to assert their own views. Your role should be to support and reinforce their parenting, not to weaken it. If a parent says no to something, then don’t go ahead and say yes. It’s about maintaining consistency and respecting their boundaries.
Now, if they suggest you avoid discussing certain topics, like religion, then it’s wise to hold back. You can live out your faith authentically without stepping on their toes. If you choose to undermine the parents, you risk losing your relationship with the grandchildren—and, conversely, the parents may pull them away from you altogether.
Mistake #4: Not accepting new parenting methods
Things have shifted in parenting since you raised your kids. For starters, the approaches have changed. What was once commonplace—like spanking—might not fly today. It’s essential to grasp that these shifts don’t signify right or wrong but just a change in styles. Additionally, modern parents face challenges like technology. Today’s parents navigate issues you might never have dealt with, so it’s important to respect their methods.
Mistake #5: Playing favorites
Let’s be honest: it’s natural to have preferences among your grandchildren. Some may just be easier to connect with, or you might enjoy their company more. However, it’s critical to keep it under wraps. Treat each grandchild with equal care, attention, and love. Disparities in treatment can create rifts between you and their parents.
Being a grandparent brings me immense joy, but the strength of my bond with my grandchildren largely depends on my relationship with their parents. Now, let’s add one more thing to ponder.
…which can sometimes lead to forgetfulness.
james emery white
source of information
Dr. Perry Klass, “5 Common Mistakes Grandparents Make, According to Pediatricians” washington postNovember 17, 2025 read online.
Paul and Diana Miller Guide to raising great-grandparents.
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The views expressed in this commentary do not necessarily reflect their views.
james emery white is the founder and senior pastor of Mecklenburg Community Church in Charlotte, North Carolina.
First publication date is December 4, 2025.
