Dear Abby: My best friend, Ian, who I’ve known for over a decade, suddenly ghosted me. We used to discuss everything: work, home life, and family issues. We were really close—sometimes I felt like he understood me better than my wife. But now, it’s been two years without a word from him; he ignores all my calls and texts. I eventually decided to remove him from my social media and my life.
My wife, on the other hand, still interacts with Ian’s wife. Everyone else in my family has cut Ian out of their lives, but I’ve noticed my wife commenting on his posts and even playing online games with him. When I first learned this, I was torn. She asked if she should stop gaming with Ian, and I just said, “You’re an adult. I can’t dictate your actions, but I hope you think it through.” Looking back, it feels like she made a questionable choice.
Recently, I found out that Ian’s daughter got married, which brought to light that Ian and his wife were still communicating. I pressed my wife about her ongoing contact with Ian, but she didn’t respond. This situation has left me feeling hurt and confused. It’s hard to reconcile the fact that she chooses to stay in touch with someone who has treated me so poorly. Ian is also anxious about what to say to his wife since I used to confide in him about my own marital issues. I really need some advice here. — Anxiety in Canada
Dear Anxiety: When you told your wife that you weren’t concerned about her choices regarding Ian, she likely took it as a green light. Have you expressed just how much Ian’s disappearance affected you? If not, this might be the moment to do so. It’s tough to predict her response, but if she truly cares, she might reconsider her interactions with Ian. Also, it could be worthwhile to ask her what she knows about why Ian suddenly became distant with you.
Dear Abby: A year ago, I faced a serious illness that landed me in the hospital for quite some time. I spent 20 days in rehab learning to walk again. My daughter suggested I should move to a nursing home and give up on regaining my independence. When I insisted on my choice, she got upset and hasn’t spoken to me since. Now that I’m back to work and using a cane, I’m feeling really let down by her. How can I mend this situation? – Disappointed Mom in Tennessee
Dear Mom: I can’t shake the feeling that there may be some details missing from your letter. Your daughter’s reaction seems unusual unless she’s facing fears about having to take care of you. It sounds like she might lack empathy or understanding. Moving forward, focus on your own recovery and seek support from those who truly care for you.
