Dear Abby
I’m an overweight woman who has dropped 50 pounds from my heaviest weight and am still losing, even if it’s pretty slow. My A1C levels have improved to pre-diabetic range, so I guess my efforts aren’t in vain. However, lately, I’ve been dealing with intense sciatica and knee pain from arthritis that forced me to scrap my travel plans.
A friend, who I thought was supportive, commented that my weight might be behind my sciatica and arthritis and that losing more might help. Well, obviously! But, honestly, I know plenty of slim people have these issues too. Her remark felt condescending and hurtful. I’m not sure how to process this—just thinking about hurling a can of ham at her seems tempting. This isn’t the first time she’s crossed a line.
So, is there a way to approach her about this? Should I ignore her comments and carry on with our friendship, or is it time to move on? I want to give her a piece of my mind, but maybe that would just escalate things. Could I have just come up with a snappy one-liner? — Slow Losers of New York
Dear Slow Loser: You have a couple of options here. The next time she says something insensitive, you could remind her this is her third jab and let her know how her words affected you. Or, for your peace of mind, you could simply take a step back from her for a bit. Perhaps she means well, or maybe she’s just unaware of how her comments come off.
Another Concern
I have another issue. My daughter and son-in-law are planning to move his mother from California to Tennessee, where my husband and I live. My kids are in a lovely house about an hour away from us. They’re both professionals and have been married for a decade without kids.
The mother, “Anita,” has an unmarried daughter with two children living with her, supported by Anita. Now, Anita wants to live independently. I can’t help but think this might cause trouble in my daughter’s marriage. The plan is for them to convert their attic, giving them the upper floor while Anita takes the lower level.
Should I voice my worries to my daughter and son-in-law, or is it better to stay quiet? We have a solid relationship, but I try not to interfere in their lives. — Guardian of the South
Dear Guardian: If this is still in the planning stages, it’s worth discussing your concerns with your daughter and son-in-law. I’m curious whether Anita’s daughter is considering moving the children in with her mother down the line. Once you bring this up, though, let it go.
