Dear Abby

I have a friend I’ve known for quite a while—about 10 years now. We connected over shared interests and mutual friends. Throughout this time, they’ve dealt with anxiety, depression, and OCD. They also have narcissistic tendencies, which, surprisingly, hasn’t been an issue for me until recently.

I’ve spent countless hours on the phone trying to get them to open up about their struggles. I’ve always tried to be supportive, offering advice and listening. But now, they can’t seem to hold onto a job, always quitting for various reasons, and they have a drinking problem. It’s becoming hard to maintain our friendship.

After years of being there for them, it feels one-sided. Whenever we talk, it revolves around their problems—there’s hardly any inquiry about me or my life—not that it feels like anyone’s been listening in ages.

I’m feeling stuck. I want to help, but I’m mentally and emotionally drained. They say they’re in therapy and taking medication, but I can only rely on what they tell me. I’ve tried to pull back a little, hoping they would sense that I’m not available all the time. The last time I reached out, they mentioned feeling scared by my distance. I want to say, “I’m not scared, I’m just… tired.” How should I handle this? — Also done in New York

Dear, it’s over: Here’s some advice: understand that this person will keep relying on you instead of seeking proper help as long as you allow it. Start to limit your time on calls or in person. If they bring up feeling like you’re scared, be honest. Let them know that your energy is being taken away and that you can’t spend hours talking anymore. This could be beneficial for both of you.

Another Concern

We were invited to a wedding out of town with our kids. With everything—flights, hotels, meals, and gifts—it adds up to quite a bit. The events began on Friday and went through Sunday. On Saturday, the bride’s family hosted a dinner and told some guests they’d be on their own for dinner that night. Was this appropriate? Should I mention this to the groom’s family, who we are close with? — Crime in Kansas

Dear Offended Person: Traditionally, the groom’s family hosts rehearsal dinners, but in this case, it seems the bride’s family took that role. I can see how this would be frustrating—being informed so suddenly that you’d need to fend for yourselves isn’t pleasant. However, bringing this up with the groom’s family now wouldn’t be constructive and could lead to unnecessary embarrassment for them.