Dear Abby: Family Dog Situation

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 12 years, and we have two kids, with a third on the way. Three years ago, we adopted a dog named Astro, who sadly passed away from heat stroke three months ago. She was only 2 years old. I was driving while my boyfriend held her, and she died before we reached the vet.

I’m currently seeing a therapist for my grief. My boyfriend and I have both shared our sadness over Astro’s loss. I’m certain that I don’t want another dog right now, but he mentioned wanting one, although he said we could wait about a year. I thought that would give me the time I needed to heal.

However, last weekend, my boyfriend surprised me with a new dog. He didn’t give me a heads-up. This new dog looks just like Astro, same breed and color, and now I feel heartbroken and betrayed. It’s been hard to cope with this, and I don’t think I can come to a compromise on this issue.

This feels like a no-win situation; one of us is likely to end up unhappy. I’m considering ending our relationship over this. Am I being unreasonable or selfish? — overwhelmed in Kansas

Advice for Overwhelmed

You’re not being unreasonable or selfish. Your boyfriend’s actions were inconsiderate and disrespectful of your feelings. Honestly, he should apologize. The dog should be returned to wherever it came from. I understand your hesitation about the relationship after experiencing his lack of sensitivity, but after 12 years together and having three kids, ending things might not be the most practical choice.

Dear Abby: Relationship Concerns

I’ve been dating an incredible man for nearly two years, and we both feel ready to take our relationship to the next level. We’re in our mid-30s, and I have three children. He has a situation he’s co-parenting with someone, which complicates things.

We both want to get married and create a blended family, but he often says “not yet.” When I asked him why, he replied, “I wish I knew why. I wish I could just make it happen.” His parents are wonderful but seem to influence his decisions heavily; if given the option, he might choose them over me and my kids. It feels like I’m stuck in this loop, constantly wondering “when is he going to commit?” What should I do? We’ve talked about this a lot, but I feel like he’s not actively working toward that goal. — I want to be a wife

Advice for Would-Be Wife

Your boyfriend appears to be content with how things are. After two years, it might be time to suggest couples counseling. Even if he declines, you need to realize that if you want to move forward in this relationship, things may not change, and you should prepare for that possibility.