Dear Abby:

I’m a 31-year-old woman navigating life. I’m single, without children, and, honestly, I’m not sure where my career is heading. What complicates things is that I look much younger than I am—around 18 or 19.

It’s frustrating when employers and colleagues treat me differently, sometimes even speaking about me disparagingly. Terms like “girl” instead of “woman” crop up often. When discussions about the 90s arise, people seem astonished, doubting my age. A few brave souls have asked to see my driver’s license, while others comment on how “adorable” I am, thinking I can’t hear them.

I’ve attempted to dress in more adult clothing, but it always feels off, just not me. Tried wearing makeup daily too, yet I just look like a teen playing dress-up. Even when I’ve broached the topic during icebreakers, laughter follows, leaving me feeling ignored. Sharing my graduation year doesn’t shift their perception. They still see me as just an unusually smart teenager.

My interests lean towards manga and anime, and my shyness might make others think I lack experience. This issue has lingered throughout my life but feels even more pronounced now. The typical advice I hear—“You’ll appreciate it when you’re older”—falls flat since I’m more concerned about the present. Any suggestions? — Baby Face of Rhode Island

Dear Baby Face:

You do look young and have a lifestyle reminiscent of someone quite a bit younger. That likely explains the confusion your coworkers have regarding your age. Some might feel envious or simply narrow-minded.

Perhaps it’s time to focus more on developing your career rather than hopping from job to job. This may offer your colleagues a chance to truly understand you. In the meantime, stay firm in your self-identity and try not to let their comments get under your skin. What matters most is how you see yourself.

Dear Abby:

My wife of three years doesn’t show me the respect I deserve. She mocks me publicly with vulgar names, and it feels like a joke to her. I have bladder control issues, which she also brings up in front of others. This is starting to frustrate me. I care for her, but loathe feeling this way about myself. I’d appreciate any advice. — The Only Human in Minnesota

Dear All:

Have you shared with your wife how her name-calling and jokes about your incontinence make you feel? If you haven’t, you should. After that, take a moment to reflect on the opening line of your letter. Her actions show a lack of respect, and frankly, a rather cruel sense of humor. How you choose to handle that revelation is yours to decide. I genuinely sympathize with your situation.