Dear Abby: Friend’s Troubling Relationship

Dear Abby: My close friend, “Brooke,” began dating a guy named “Angus” last year, and honestly, he hasn’t made a great impression from the start. They first met when he was on a date with another woman, and he didn’t bother to mention that to Brooke. Yet, she still stuck with him, even after he broke up with his girlfriend.

Recently, things have gotten really bad. I meet Brooke for coffee every week, and she spends the entire time talking about how cruel Angus is to her and her family. He belittles her, emotionally manipulates her, controls what she wears, and even goes through her phone.

Her family can’t stand him. Her father expressed that he doesn’t want to see her anymore, and they’re constantly urging her to end it. None of her friends like him, and she seems to sense this, but she’s still not willing to break up with him.

Last week, they even decided to get a puppy together. Everyone is worn out by this situation, including Brooke. What should I do? Should I just step back, let her figure things out on her own, and be there for her afterwards? — Wise Friends from Nebraska

Dear wise friend: It’s clear you care for Brooke, but you can’t live her life for her. Getting a puppy in an abusive situation isn’t good for anyone involved, including the puppy. If Angus feels he’s losing control over Brooke, his anger may shift toward that little dog. It’s frustrating, but Brooke needs to sort this out herself since she’s not listening to her family and friends. I save my input for those who are open to it.

Dear Abby: Distancing Friendship

Dear Abby: A longtime friend of mine has been rather distant for the past couple of years. Unless I reach out or invite her to our place, I don’t hear from her, yet she never invites us over. We have a lot of shared memories—growing up together, attending each other’s weddings, raising kids, and going on trips.

A few weeks back, while our husbands were hunting, her husband mentioned to mine that it might be best not to tell them about our grandchildren. Their kids have all been married and divorced, and they don’t seem interested in having kids. I know she always dreamed of being a grandma, and it saddens me that she couldn’t fulfill that wish. Sometimes my grandchild calls while my friends are visiting, and I do have plenty of pictures to share, but I don’t always bring them up.

I’m unsure how to handle this. It hurt to feel like she would distance herself after all these years just because I have a grandchild. — Georgia gag order

Dear gag instruction: She’s not intentionally cutting you off because of your grandkids. It seems she’s limiting her time with you because seeing your grandchildren may bring her down. The best way to navigate this is perhaps to avoid having her over too often so she won’t be reminded constantly.