Welcome to Good Life. This newsletter explores modern culture and how to maintain sanity amidst it all. This week, I’ve been grappling with the instinct to step in and fight my husband’s battles for him.
Every time I see my husband facing threats, I can’t help but feel protective, almost as if I’m channeling St. Olga before her transformation.
It’s tough to watch people confront him. He’s more than capable of defending himself, but there’s a part of me that craves vengeance when they challenge him. This situation brought St. Olga to mind.
If you aren’t familiar with her story, it highlights the lengths to which a woman will go for revenge on behalf of her husband.
Olga married the Viking king Igor at just 15 years old, which makes her a key figure in the history of what is now Ukraine and Russia. Igor went to the Drevlians, a Slavic tribe, to demand taxes. Unfortunately, he was ambushed and killed in a brutal way.
Left with their only son Svyatoslav, who was only three at the time, Olga took on the role of queen regent. The Drevlian prince, Mar, sent a group of noble ambassadors to propose marriage, hoping to seize control of Igor’s realm. He saw it as a golden chance to establish power.
Olga was not pleased with this proposal. As a mourning widow and ruler, her focus shifted to avenging her husband’s death.
She decided to entertain the Drevlian ambassadors, giving them the impression she would accept Mar’s offer. They were welcomed but instructed to sleep on their boat for the night. While they rested, Olga had her servants dig a deep trench. When the ambassadors arrived the next day, they were led straight to the pit, where they were buried alive.
That was just the beginning. Olga then sent a message to the Drevlians, claiming she would marry Mar but needed a stronger bodyguard. He eagerly sent his best men. Once they arrived, she welcomed them to wash off their travel weariness in a bathhouse, only to lock the doors and burn the building down with them inside.
Not stopping there, Olga later marched into Drevlian territory for a funeral in honor of Igor. The Drevlians accepted her invitation, and amidst a drunken feast, she signaled her soldiers to attack, resulting in 5,000 Drevlians being killed.
Her final act of vengeance involved a year-long siege of the Drevlians’ capital. In desperate need, they received peace messages from her that only requested three pigeons and three sparrows from every household. When the Drevlians complied, she attached embers to their legs. As the birds returned home, the city ignited in flames. Her army executed the plan as the townsfolk fled.
A few years later, Olga converted to Christianity and became the first saint of Russia.
This reflects my thoughts last night. I aspire to embody Olga post-conversion, leading people toward peace and truth. Yet, there’s this urge for retribution, especially when it concerns my family. I want to confront anyone who wrongs them.
There are lessons in both aspects of Olga’s life. She was fiercely loyal and loved her husband. I’m not suggesting all wives should seek destruction, but they should want their husbands to thrive just as much as themselves.
It’s frustrating to witness friends criticize or undermine their partners in public. Disagreeing with your husband is natural, but those conversations need to remain private. Outside your home, you stand united.
A strong marriage thrives on the idea of two people against the world. Everything around us tries to pull couples apart, and you must fight against that.
Olga also represents the path to salvation. It’s important to move from the desire for revenge to a space of peace and forgiveness. Not every battle needs to be fought. Even when you feel justified, it’s crucial to remember that everyone deserves dignity.
It’s reassuring to know my husband can handle challenges on his own. He doesn’t need me to fight his battles, but there’s something satisfying about knowing I would if necessary. So, here I am, wrestling with these emotions—I want to be like Saint Olga.
If you have any feedback or questions about the newsletter, feel free to reach out. I can’t respond to everything, but I do my best to read all the messages. Building this community is one of my favorite parts of this journey.
Heard through the grapevine:
In the realm of relationship advice, Natalie Sandoval wrote an intriguing piece about people seeking help for their marriages on Reddit. It’s definitely worth a read.
The Daily Caller’s Wright also shares his insights on how men should support each other when they discover a friend is entangled with a toxic partner.
