Dear Abby: Aging and Change in Marriage

Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married for 59 years. As I’ve aged, I’ve found myself less busy, and due to my Alzheimer’s, I no longer drive. Lately, he’s been rearranging things around the house without consulting me.

This has always been my domain, and now it feels like he’s trying to take over, which is really frustrating. He washes all the dirty dishes even when the dishwasher is empty. I’ve had to keep an eye on him because I’ve noticed a few times that he’s washed dishes without soap. Perhaps I’m overreacting? He doesn’t seem to have a social life anymore, and although his doctors suggest he try senior centers, he hasn’t shown interest. What should I do? — Domestic engineer living in California

Dear writer: It sounds like your husband might be attempting to create some structure, even if his organizational skills are not what they used to be. It could be helpful to think of some simple tasks he can handle that won’t disrupt your routine, like watering plants or taking out the trash.

Another idea is to consider visiting a senior center together, which might make the experience a bit easier for both of you. This could also help ease your worries about entering a new environment alone. For additional support, reach out to the Alzheimer’s Association for more strategies tailored to your situation.

Dear Abby: Letting Go of a Friendship

Dear Abby: I have a friend, let’s call him “Nick”. We used to be close, but things deteriorated due to his choices that really hurt me. Everyone else seems to think it was his fault, too.

We haven’t spoken in years because he blocked me online and avoided me in person. When we accidentally ran into each other last year, he told me to go away—not in a mean way, but in a distant, cold tone. He said he doesn’t have any issues with me, but, given everything that happened, it wouldn’t be healthy for him to have me in his life.

Although this situation was quite unfair, I still find myself missing him a lot. I feel foolish for having these feelings toward someone who clearly doesn’t want me around. Should I keep hoping? Would it be a good idea to try reaching out through mutual friends, even if it’s tricky since I’m blocked? Or is this just one of those losses we have to accept, realizing some people aren’t meant to stay in our lives? — A friend who still cares too much

Dear friend: I can sense your sadness surrounding this friendship. For your own wellbeing, it might be best to stop hoping for a reconnection; that seems unlikely. Your former friend has made his stance clear, and trying to re-enter his life through mutual acquaintances might not yield the outcome you’re hoping for. As you mentioned, not every friendship is meant to last, and this appears to be one of those instances.