Reflections on Five Years of Breast Cancer Remission
The day finally came when I could officially say I had been in breast cancer remission for five years. Honestly, I expected to feel a rush of joy, but it turned out to be just another ordinary Tuesday. I had to drop my kids off at school and head to work. No celebrations or special events. I was healthy, sure, but life just continued.
People tend to label breast cancer survivors as “inspirational warriors,” often imagining we fight valiantly, triumphing over challenges while looking strong. Yet, the tough reality of surviving cancer is usually brushed aside, and there’s a lot that no one tells you. For instance, the emotional aftermath—it’s vastly different from what you might anticipate.
You Never Truly “Get Over” Cancer
After my initial battle with breast cancer, I decided to try EMDR, a type of trauma therapy. Although I wasn’t formally diagnosed, many thought I had PTSD stemming from my diagnosis. Thankfully, after numerous EMDR sessions, I felt more secure and less defined by my cancer experience.
Even though I felt mentally stronger during my second battle about three years later, the lingering shadow of cancer always seems to hang over me. It can pop up unexpectedly, which is a bit unsettling.
For example, one day, while waiting in line at my favorite coffee place, a timer went off that sounded just like the ones from my time in the infusion room. It sent waves of panic through me. Memories from my treatment days can resurface at any moment, making me wonder if I’ll ever fully move past them.
Cancer Remains Financially Burdensome
Dealing with cancer isn’t just emotionally taxing; it’s also really expensive—even when you have good insurance. Throughout about 18 months, I had countless appointments—labs, surgeries, exams, and more. We hit our out-of-pocket max, but that didn’t account for travel expenses to all the appointments. Plus, I had to take about six months off work during chemotherapy, followed by thirty-three rounds of radiation.
And even after the active treatment wraps up, you have a bunch of follow-up checks, and those costs can add up too.
Living in Fear of Recurrence
Every survivor shares the unspoken fear of recurrence. Whenever I go in for routine labs or scans, that anxiety returns. I can’t help but play the “what if” game. I find myself worrying about how we’d handle more treatments financially, how it would affect my kids, and what my job situation would be like.
Survivor’s Guilt Is All Too Real
Five years is a significant milestone, and I genuinely feel grateful to have reached it. However, as I connect with more survivors—both online and in person—I can’t help but feel the weight of reality. Some cancer battles are lost, and while there’s a sense of relief that it’s not me this time, it’s deeply painful to witness others going through such hardships.
Society often expects me to be the beacon of hope, wearing pink and celebrating survivorship, which I do appreciate. But I also navigate mixed emotions: I’m thankful for my journey while simultaneously mourning the loss and challenges cancer has brought into my life. Both feelings coexist, and that’s a truth I have to accept.
