Finding Purpose in Grief

Kait Granger learned early on to read people’s emotions. Growing up with a father who physically and emotionally abused her mother, she became adept at sensing shifts in his mood to gauge safety. However, by 2019, after graduating from college, she felt a sense of relief when her mother finally left. It seemed like things were looking up.

But just months later, tragedy struck. Her father shot and killed her mother before taking his own life and setting their home on fire.

In the immediate aftermath, she remained attuned to people’s reactions. It felt like others didn’t trust her to be alone, and her grief seemed to make those around her uncomfortable. Seeking approval, she decided to appear OK again, quickly enrolling in a master’s program for clinical mental health counseling and jumping into a new relationship shortly after her mother’s death. “We were discussing marriage just three weeks in,” she recalled.

Fast forward three years, and Ms. Granger found herself in an unhappy marriage, stuck in a job she loathed, living a life that felt more like a performance for others. “I felt like I was just rotting away,” she said. One day, she opened TikTok and shared a post where she wrote, “It’s been a little over three years since my mom was murdered. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay.” Even in her sorrow, she promised herself not to waste her life, remarking, “My mom would be upset if I did.” She concluded her post with a new motto: “Small things lead to big things, so let’s not rot.”

Unexpectedly, her video took off. Comments flooded in, with one person saying, “My mom passed 4 years ago and ‘let’s not rot’ just gave me hope.” It made Ms. Granger realize she wasn’t alone in her feelings. With each post, she poured out her grief, showcasing her daily life, from her skincare routine to workout classes, and even how antidepressants helped her cope. She opened up about her divorce, candidly expressing that it stemmed from a deep desire for family.

Now at 29, she has amassed over 460,000 followers across TikTok and Instagram, joining a growing community of influencers centered around grief and trauma. Alongside figures like Laura Murphy, who went on her honeymoon solo after her fiancé’s death, and Jameson Arasi, who wrote about his brother’s suicide, Ms. Granger is part of a movement that is becoming more open about these tough subjects.

Joanne Cacciatore, a social work professor, noted, “We’re getting better at discussing death, but that doesn’t mean we’re talking about grief.” This gap in conversation could have serious health consequences. A 2015 study found that those who suppressed their grief had higher levels of depression and stress.

Because many, like Ms. Granger, feel unable to share openly about their losses in their personal lives, they turn to social media, thereby lifting the “shroud of silence” around grief, as Robert Neimeyer, a psychology professor, explained. He sees these grief influencers as crucial in creating space for grieving beyond traditional settings.

In March, during a video chat, Ms. Granger shared how going online with her grief transformed her experience. “Being brave enough to talk about how grief really felt was a significant act of defiance after pretending to be OK for three years,” she remarked.

Understanding Grief Misconceptions

Many people misunderstand grief, seeing it as a condition that needs fixing. Leeat Granek, a health psychologist, pointed out that this judgment can induce shame. Although some may indeed experience complicated grief, this isn’t the case for everyone.

Ms. Granger often felt isolated from her friends after starting to open up about her grief. “It was almost sad that people online were offering more support than my real-life friends,” she reflected.

Even amidst a strong support network, grief can feel isolating. When Sabrina Chae’s husband unexpectedly died due to cardiac arrest, her close friends struggled to understand her pain. At just 29, she felt alone in her journey, especially as outreach faded after the initial months.

“They think you’re doing fine if they see a smiling photo on social media,” Ms. Chae observed.

For her, sharing online became a means of self-reflection. She documented memories with her late husband, expressing raw emotions, while connecting with other young widows online, even meeting some face-to-face.

Those grieving often seek visibility, Dr. Cacciatore noted, and many yearn to connect with others who have faced similar losses to see that survival is possible. While traditional support groups have served this purpose for years, online platforms increasingly provide those connections for young individuals.

Lizzie Sprout found Ms. Granger’s content helpful after losing her own mother at just 21. With none of her friends sharing similar experiences, Ms. Granger’s “let’s not rot” message inspired her to prioritize small acts of self-care each day.

Some grief content can stray into misleading advice that contradicts scientific insights, but Dr. Cacciatore believes online communities, when cultivated mindfully, offer more advantages than drawbacks.

These influencers may also be enhancing broader public understanding of grief. Mariam Aslam, who followed Ms. Chae, noted she now feels comfortable engaging in conversations about loss, treating discussions as practice for real-life interactions.

Navigating Grief in Public Life

In December 2025, Ms. Granger marked the sixth anniversary of her mother’s death with a video. She felt pressure to create something profound but ultimately wished to engage in simpler joys, like drinking coffee and writing poetry.

As she continues healing, she sometimes wrestles with how to maintain her online presence without getting overwhelmed by her grief. Although her content does bring in some income, she acknowledges the emotional toll it can entail.

Dr. Neimeyer pointed out that while social media dynamics present unique challenges, leaders of in-person support groups face similar hurdles in relating to grief long after their own losses.

Now settled in Illinois with her boyfriend, Ms. Granger is exploring her next steps while working remotely. Grief still surfaces unexpectedly at times, like when she sees mother-daughter duos shopping. Yet she has learned to embrace vulnerability, leading to a greater sense of relief: “I’ve earned this sense of relief.”

It’s a common misconception that grief equals a life of perpetual sadness, as Ms. Chae has pointed out. The influencers involved in this narrative often express that their experiences have made them more empathetic, less critical, and more appreciative of life’s precious moments.

“When I’m around friends who make me feel grateful to be alive,” Ms. Granger said, “I can pause and appreciate: This is a moment that feels like living.”