Welcome to Relationship Rehab, news.com.au’s weekly column. We will solve all your love problems.
This week, our resident sexologist Isiah McKimmie Helping men who are worried that they can’t sleep long in bed.
question: How long should sex last?
I’m single, but I’ve had quite a few sexual partners, and I think as I get older, the time we have sex gets shorter.
I always thought this was because my skills improved and I knew what I was doing.
However, I recently had an affair and she said she wanted sex to last longer, so I don’t know if she meant foreplay or just the penetration part. did.
Now I’m worried it won’t last long!
answer: I think we’re talking about heterosexuality here, so let’s talk about it directly.
I understand that many men feel pressure to “do sex right” by knowing what to do during sex and making it last the perfect amount of time, but it can be difficult.
The simple answer to “How long should sex last?” As long as all participants want it.
Women often prefer longer periods of foreplay
I can’t say exactly what the woman you were with meant, but I can tell you that many women prefer “foreplay” to penetrative sex.
It takes time for a woman’s body to fully prepare for penetrative sex.
Taking time to “warm up” reduces a woman’s chances of experiencing pain during sex and increases pleasure.
Sexologists recommend that couples spend at least 20 minutes on foreplay before moving on to penetration, but many women tell me they wish it had been longer.
Many women cannot reach orgasm from penetrative sex alone.
They require direct stimulation of the clitoris, which more often occurs during what we consider “foreplay” than during penetrative sex.
Of course, there are exceptions to this, and some women go for penetration right away and want to end sex quickly.
However, foreplay is not only beneficial for women.
Many men often report that they feel greater pleasure the longer they spend on foreplay.
Average time that penetration lasts
The average length of penetrative sex for heterosexual couples is 5 to 7 minutes.
Despite what is often portrayed in mainstream porn, penetration that takes too long can be uncomfortable or painful for women.
Again, there are exceptions to this, and there are times when it can be incredibly fun for both partners.
aim for joy
We often have pretty rigid assumptions about how sex “should” happen and how it should conclude.
We tend to think that sex should start with “foreplay”, lead to penetration, and preferably end with orgasm for both partners.
But great sex doesn’t have to follow this linear path.
Most couples don’t reach orgasm at the same time.
Some people find sex enjoyable even if they don’t reach orgasm.
You can enjoy sex without penetration.
When we expand our perspective on what sex is and what our goals should be, we open ourselves to more possibilities of pleasure.
The best way to find out what your partner wants is to ask
If you don’t know what your recent partner said, ask her.
The best way to ensure you and your partner have fun is to communicate about it.
What people enjoy during sex varies a little from person to person. Also, what we want may vary from day to day.
You can’t expect to know what every partner wants.
There’s a common perception that having to communicate will “suck the mood,” but being able to talk comfortably about what you want increases the joy and excitement for everyone involved.
Making sure your partner is having fun throughout the experience is the best way to ensure everyone has fun.
