Dear Abby: I have been in a relationship with a married man for the past 5 years. He lied to me about his position. He told me that the woman he had been with for 15 years broke up with him. I recently found out that he has been with his girlfriend for over 30 years and she is the mother of his children. I’ve tried to leave many times, but I always come back. I don’t blame him, but I was very hurt by his deception. Since dating him, I’ve been hospitalized three times for depression. I’m not a home wrecker. he is not the devil. He just needs help. It can’t go on like this. My mental state is rapidly deteriorating now. please help me. — Heartbroken in Maryland
To all my heartbroken dear ones You get stuck in a self-defeating cycle that never changes. In my book, this married man is the devil. He is a terrible person with no conscience.Looking at the effect this incident had on you (hospitalized three times for depression!?), if he had done that… Any If he had no conscience at all, he would have ended it. If you don’t have a licensed mental health professional you can talk to to permanently free yourself from this destructive cycle, please Ask for a hospital referral now before you have to be admitted again.
Dear Abby: I was a devoted son. I regularly called my parents to see them and took them on trips with my family. I have two grown children who I rarely see or talk to. Some of my friends say their kids are the same way. Is this common for this generation or is it an anomaly? — Wonder in Florida
For those wondering: It may be more common today. I wonder if it’s due to insensitivity, the fact that young people face more challenges and distractions than previous generations, or unresolved resentment towards their parents. I don’t know. However, your problem seems to have become less unusual in recent decades. Phone calls have been replaced by text messages, which lack the warmth and immediacy of verbal communication enjoyed by previous generations. Is that what you are missing?
Dear Abby: I have a wonderful husband and four beautiful children. But lately, I’ve started to like his best friend and sometimes I fantasize about him. I love my husband dearly and am really happy with our marriage. How can I get rid of these feelings? I don’t know what you mean. — Things I wondered about in Missouri
Dear Mystery: It means you are human. The way to control your fantasies is to stop feeling too guilty about having them. You’re not the only woman who has unrequited love for a man you can’t reach.
Fan clubs for actors and TV personalities immediately come to mind. The time to worry and perhaps seek professional help is when unrequited love begins to negatively impact your marriage. You say you love your husband. If that’s true, tell yourself not to go through with such fantasies and show him the respect he deserves.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
