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Super Bowl LVIII is the most important Super Bowl of our lifetime. And it’s not just because I Googled Roman numerals to see what edition I was doing.
In my defense, I’m not the most cultured person here. 99% of his foreign countries I visited were in his EPCOT.
But there’s no question that this year’s Big Game in Las Vegas is the biggest in our nation’s history.Sure, that’s the same thing they say about every election, but let me be clear: this there is nothing It has something to do with politics.
In fact, President Biden is skipping the traditional pregame TV interview, which makes sense since he’ll likely spend much of his time bashing Donald Trump. It might get old quickly, but it would be great to see Joe talk about a living president for once.
After missing two Super Bowl sit-downs, Biden continues to avoid major press interviews for months.
This Super Bowl is most important because it is the last major piece of common culture we have left in these deeply divided times. To be honest, the only time you see Republicans and Democrats together these days is on the Epstein flight list. The Super Bowl is a three-hour chance for Americans to put aside our differences and do what we do best: give it our all.
We are the fattest country in the world not because we love to fight about politics on Twitter or X or whatever stupid name Elon Musk will choose next after getting stoned. No, the reason America looks like the “old model” compared to the rest of the world is because of the food we eat and the mindless escapism that comes from mowing it down while we watch TV. Because I love it.
The Super Bowl is all the rage, and you don’t have to love football to enjoy this special culinary mess.
First, the commercial gives us a chance to see beloved celebrities from all eras, and this year’s lineup includes iconic names like BMW’s Christopher Walken and Bic lighter Willie Nelson, as well as Mt. Aubrey Plaza at Dew, Jelly Rolls at Uber Eats. I’m curious, but there are no celebrity advertisements. alaska airlines, which is surprising since competitors are blowing the doors off. Hmmm.
Jimmy Failla’s “Cancel Culture Dictionary” aims to help Americans win the war on fun
On the music side, icons Reba McIntyre will sing the national anthem before the game, and Usher will perform the national anthem during the halftime show. Additionally, Taylor Swift, one of the biggest pop stars of our time, will perform after the game. Enough about Travis Kelsey’s hotel room.
Taylor Swift wears Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce’s jacket as he arrives before the NFL Wild Card Playoff football game between the Chiefs and Miami Dolphins on Saturday, January 13, 2024 in Kansas City, Missouri. (AP photo/edited by Zurga)
What I’m trying to say, shot by shot at the rim, is that the Super Bowl is America’s greatest spectacle, a once-a-year game that even non-football fans tune into for its grandeur.
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And in true Las Vegas fashion, by featuring a Native American mascot on the year’s most widely viewed television broadcast, we’re sweetening things up and giving a giant middle finger to the mob that has divided us at every turn. I set it up. Sure, cancel culture destroyed the Washington Redskins logo and sent the Cleveland Indians into a big empty batter’s box, but 130 million viewers were expected to watch the Kansas City Chiefs game. And there’s nothing the social justice bastards can do to stop it. That’s because the local tribes gave the team their best blessings.
Assuming you have money left over after a few nights in Las Vegas, this might be the biggest deal out there. Long before social media came along and turned America from a “shining city on a hill” to an episode of Bravo’s “Real Housewives,” this country had free time to fight for and football was just a game. It reminds me that life was just living. party.
The Super Bowl is the night of the year that takes us back to that era. So I’m not telling you to focus on athletes or pop stars or even Pop Tarts.
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What I’m saying is, focus on America and victory is guaranteed. (Even if I don’t tell the costume department how many chicken wings I ate, they can still thank me.)
Happy Super Bowl, USA.
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