Dear Abby: My sister “Maggie” became one of those “crazy cat ladies.” We have been encouraging her to move into her assisted living, but she says she would rather die than give up her cat. We take her air freshener with us when we visit her. Maggie can’t smell her at all, and she claims her house doesn’t smell. Her wife won’t come in until I spray the whole house.
Maggie’s other problem is that her children have abandoned her. There was no one in her son’s family to take on her job, so we had to hire someone to help her. When her mother became ill, my wife and I took care of her mother 24/7. Taking care of her sister was not part of my retirement plan. A rift developed between us because her retired son and his girlfriend’s family did not do their part. please let me know. — Up south and beyond
Dear A&B: What a caring and responsible brother you are. If you have no other choice, it looks like you will be looking after Maggie until she dies. It’s shameful that her son shied away from responsibility. (There is also a possibility of elder abuse.)
Your sister may not be aware of the fact that some nursing homes allow pets. Maggie may be more willing to move her if you help her find a place to move. However, if this is not possible, consider talking to an attorney or Adult Protective Services.
Dear Abby: My husband is an outdoor enthusiast and we have a group that goes hunting together every year. One of them started coming out west to vacation at our home twice a year, and now follows us to our winter home in warmer climates.
When he stays with us, we prepare all the meals and he uses our washer, dryer, and detergent for several loads of laundry each time. He brought his long-time friend and his spouse, and I’m good friends with him as well. However, over time, their visits become more frequent and their duration becomes longer.
I get nervous because he always hosts and entertains me. Her husband doesn’t seem to understand what the problem is when I talk about it, but she feels that seeing these guys a few times a year is enough to maintain a friendship. How can I get her husband to understand my side without breaking her friendship? –– host out
Dear hosts: These people may be your friends, but your hospitality is being taken advantage of. Explain to her husband again that his visits are too frequent. However, if he does not accept it, then the next time they are scheduled to arrive, he should arrange a vacation himself. In other words, pack your bags and go to the hotel.
Perhaps when your husband has to take on all the responsibility for these freeloader friends, he will see the light. I can’t believe your wife would let you do all the work by yourself. How lazy and insensitive of you not to volunteer.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
