Dear Abby: I’m a millennial. I am successful in my career and lucky to have a loving husband and her two wonderful children. But in another big area of my life, I try to remind myself to be better, not worse.
The world is changing rapidly, especially in the field of IVF. We know we have a lot to be thankful for, but the fact that so many aging parents choose to have another set of children later in life feels like a tough pill to swallow. My father, who is in his mid-60s, has just given birth to twins with his third wife. His children are younger than me.
I feel completely replaced by his new family. Rather than being the father and grandfather he is now, he has all but disappeared. I thank God that my mother is a proud and devoted grandmother to her children.
In addition to the act of disappearance, the father decided to leave all his assets to his third wife and the twins. They call my children their twin “cousins.”
Many of my friends have parents who have chosen to restart their lives this way. This includes mothers who had babies through surrogacy later in life. This hurts so much. How can I and the younger generation overcome this feeling of abandonment? California girl
To my sister: I can’t speak for others, but you are blessed with a loving husband and two wonderful children. A step in the right direction would be to focus on the blessings you have. You are lucky to have a father still alive at this age.
Once the child becomes an adult, the parents are free to live their own lives. As you pointed out, what your father did is not unusual. For your own sake, stop blaming him and accept your life.
Dear Abby: My sister was in a relationship with a violent alcoholic and drug addict for 23 years. It all ended a year and a half ago when he chose to take his own life. Their marriage produced two children: a boy (17) and a girl (13).
Recently, at my grandmother’s memorial service and family gathering, I constantly heard negative comments from my nephew about people drinking at the event and that we shouldn’t drink because his father was an alcoholic. I made it. None of them were belligerent or rude. I just overheard these comments. I had nothing to do with them. My question is, should I refrain from drinking around my nephew? — social drinkers in tennessee
To all social drinkers: As long as your family can cope with drinking, there is no need to change your family’s behavior when you have a nephew. However, some families have a genetic predisposition to addiction. This is why you need to warn your niece or nephew (if you haven’t already) that they may be at risk if they choose to experiment with it.
To our readers: I wish everyone celebrating Easter a meaningful and memorable day. everyone! Happy easter. — Love, Abby
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
