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Happy Monday, everyone. Today, jury selection began for Hunter Biden’s gun trial. And those selected were given free dime bags as a welcome gift. To ensure the jurors are his peers, they’re looking for people who were given fake jobs in Ukraine, who smoked, who smoked crack in sensory deprivation tanks, who had sex with the wives of deceased family members, who impregnated strippers. So far, they’ve found one. The potential witnesses are Beau Biden’s widow, Hallie Biden, Hunter Biden’s ex-wife Katherine, and a Delaware gun store clerk. Or, as Hunter puts it, the foursome of his dreams.
Over the weekend, President Biden was spotted cycling with Hunter in Delaware, as part of his new training program called “Don’t Die.”
I had a hard time getting one out of you. I hope you all like this. Mexico has officially elected its first female president. I know! Yeah, who cares. Ah, finally they have a woman. Ah, good luck. Shut up. Her name is Claudia Sheinbaum. Yes, Claudia Sheinbaum. Have you heard of Sheinbaum in Tijuana? You should try her gefilte fish tacos. But her first order of business as president? To marry her daughter to a doctor. Haha! I don’t care if you don’t like it. If I don’t like it, I’ll be miserable.
Mexican presidential candidate Scheinbaum pledges to cut crime but faces big obstacle from powerful drug cartels
Today, during testimony on the US COVID response and origins, Dr. Anthony Fauci said the allegations of his influence over the leaked CIA lab analysis are a conspiracy. And it makes him sound like Jason Bourne. But look, no one is confusing Dr. Fauci with Jason Bourne. One is a government-sponsored killer, and the other is Matt Damon.
Over the weekend, pro-Hamas protesters clashed with a gay pride parade in Philadelphia. The two sides, despite their differences, were united in their love of suspicious packages. And the official Facebook page of the U.S. Navy SEALs was mocked for marking the start of Pride Month. But in honor of Pride Month, terrorists will get a free makeover after every combined raid. Now, the story of Donald J. Trump continues. Really? What did we talk about before he showed up? Except me, of course. Too bad it only takes an hour. But did you notice the reaction to Trump’s conviction? It’s quieter than my TV when I watch Jesse’s show. Of course, there are some insane cases where anything Trump-related is cause for incontinence.
Joy Behar: My reaction was I was at Costco buying 10 boxes of Keurig coffee and the clock started chiming so I got a bit excited and started leaking a little.
Joy Behar wets herself at Costco, and for the first time, it wasn’t because of a free sample of chocolate-covered lard nuggets. But what’s the fuss about, other than Joy and the ex-actors? No one is dancing in the streets, crying, or wetting themselves with joy. In fact, some on the left even admit that the prosecution was not just. Some even admit that it went too far even before the verdict was handed down. It’s like when you’re fighting with your spouse and you make a casual comment about her meatloaf, and then you realize, oh no, you’re in big trouble. And they’re right. As a result of the verdict, Trump’s approval rating went up and donations soared by $200 million. $200 million!!
Trump ruling galvanizes donor base, driving huge fundraising surge in May
$200 million? That’s more than I make in a year. Trump’s donation site also crashed, something I haven’t seen since I started a GoFundMe page to keep Brian Kilmeade out of public parks. If you want to spend time there, buy a dog. Trump’s new TikTok account gained more than 2 million followers in 24 hours, dwarfing the Biden-Harris account, which was five months ahead. To be fair, that’s a low bar. Even Hillary’s left testicle has more followers than Biden-Harris. But the boring idiots on TikTok are a voting bloc that Biden can’t lose. What’s next? Will Biden start losing support among dementia patients? In fact, Americans can tell the difference between Trump and Biden. One is facing a prison sentence, while the other can’t.
Berenson said he will vote for the Democratic candidate in 2024, not Donald Trump. (Photo by James Devaney/GC Images | Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)
So how does Trump do it? How does he turn a conviction into an electoral windfall? How does he turn his opponents’ energy into power? I call it the perpetual cliffhanger theory. With Trump, the end of one act marks the beginning of another, equally thrilling one. He’s like an orange Harry Potter. And the people who create the cliffhangers are those who are obsessed with defeating him. It’s a perpetual motion machine.
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Their attack inevitably sets the stage for what he does next, which then leads to another attack. Do I think it killed him? No. He gets a thumping applause in the next chapter.
