Dear Abby: A few months ago I let the 49 year old son of a close friend live in my basement. “Jason” pays the rent and utilities.
My husband told me last week he wasn’t getting the COVID vaccine. He had been drinking at the time. I told Jason he needed to get vaccinated or find another place to live because my husband died of COVID 2 years ago. Now I’m not sure if he remembers that conversation.
How do I deal with this? I don’t want to alienate his mother (or him, who I love like a son) with this. — Colorado Health Concerns
For health-conscious people: Ask Jason if he remembers a conversation you had with him in which you said he had not yet received the COVID vaccination. If he does not recall making that statement, remind him. Then tell him that your husband had COVID in his system when he died, that you do not want to risk contracting COVID, and that if Jason wants to continue living with you, he must keep his vaccinations up to date. There is no need for confrontation if you approach the issue calmly.
Dear Abby: My girlfriend and I broke up after dating for 6 years. We both have children from marriages that ended 7 years ago. We settled a year and a half ago and started looking for a house together. Our relationship went south when I realized she couldn’t afford the house we wanted for our new family. Last year was the worst year for us.
I tried to offer her more support while she was struggling with unemployment and other external factors affecting her mental health, but she felt suffocated. Even when she said she wanted distance, I would sometimes feel too desperate to find a solution. I failed to do my part to distance myself from her.
We have had the best relationship of my life so it makes me distraught to see her suffering. She says I can’t provide what she needs in our relationship but I have tried to be a good teammate to her when she is in need. Now she says it’s over because I didn’t give her the space.
She is the love of my life, what should I do during this crushing and devastating time in my life? — Vaguely in North Carolina
Dear Dazed: I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you. You and your girlfriend have very different communication styles. She wanted to vent her frustrations and be heard. You felt like you had to find a solution to her problems. When someone says they want to “get away from you,” it most often means they feel intimidated or suffocated. It could also mean they want to scale back on the relationship or meet someone else.
Now, your next step is to take a big step back. Increase your exercise schedule, spend time with friends, and stop sitting alone and brooding over things you can’t change. If you two do get back together, I would recommend couples counseling to prevent this kind of heartbreak from happening again.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jeanne Phillips) and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby can be contacted at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
