Psychologists have revealed seven scary signs that you or a loved one might actually be a narcissist — and it could all stem from the way they text.
Dr Kelly McAvoy, who has experience working with abuse victims, has revealed seven big warning signs you may be missing that could point to someone with narcissistic traits.
These include the practice of “love bombing,” a form of emotional manipulation that attempts to influence others through excessive attention and displays of affection.
Signs include sending incomplete and anxiety-inducing messages and expecting instant replies to their text messages while taking a long time to reply to yours.
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Sending sexually explicit text messages too quickly can be a warning sign, while being overly attached to your phone can be another.
McAvoy, a psychologist for more than 20 years, said having the knowledge to recognise these signs could help people get to know their future partners better.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a clinically diagnosed mental health problem that goes beyond simply being self-centered, vain, or conceited.
Additionally, many people consider the words “selfish” and “narcissist” to be interchangeable, but the two, while somewhat related, are distinctly different.
Partners of people with narcissistic traits are at higher risk of developing mental health problems as a result of an emotionally abusive relationship.
So what are the signs we should look out for? McAvoy details seven clear red flags when it comes to someone’s texting habits that may be cause for concern.
1. They expect a quick response
A narcissist may expect you to drop everything and reply to a text message immediately, without any thought to what you’re doing, what time it is, or where you are.
“Otherwise they’re going to want to know if you’re too busy,” McAvoy said in the TikTok video.
Many narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and demand special treatment from others.
They don’t like being annoyed, and they’ll try to take control by making you feel embarrassed or regretful if you don’t reply to their text messages right away.
Examples of this type of text include: “I need to talk to you,” “Please reply now,” and “What are you doing that you can’t reply to me?”
2. Sending lots of emotional texts
Narcissists will often “find a sentimental message and then cut it out and paste it on lots of people.”
McAvoy said this could include former lovers, friends and potential new partners, allowing them to “spread their love and attention far and wide” and receive a similar response in return.
Narcissists need constant love, praise, and attention to feel important, so they send sentimental messages to people they know will return the affection.
3. Being too attached to your phone
McAvoy explained that people with the disorder tend to become obsessed with their cell phones and carry them around “as if they were born with them.”
This is due to the constant desire to feel important by having instant access to people’s texts, likes and comments on social media.
A 2023 study revealed that people with narcissistic tendencies and traits are more likely to be obsessed with their devices, especially using them to scroll through social media.
4. They take a long time to respond to text messages
Even though you want a quick response to your messages, they don’t give it to you.
If you’re texting with a narcissist, your text messages may not be treated with the same level of priority as theirs.
“It may take minutes, hours or days for them to respond,” McAvoy said.
This may be because we feel a need to control and dominate the relationship by making our friends or partners wait for a response, which helps us avoid feeling vulnerable in front of other people.
5. They send explicit texts and photos early on
Sending explicit photo messages very early in a relationship gives the narcissist the thrill of acting sexually while also helping him avoid possible sexual rejection in the future.
“They think it’s okay to send explicit text messages and photos before they even know each other or are that far into the relationship,” the doctor explained.
A 2019 study looking at why men send nude photos found that the top two reasons were related to narcissistic behaviors: self-gratification and attention-seeking.
“No matter how ineffective or inappropriate it may be, this obsession with ‘show me yours and I’ll show you mine’ is rooted in self-satisfaction,” said Corey Pedersen, PhD, lead author of the study and professor of psychology at Quantren Polytechnic University.
6. Sending incomplete and anxiety-inducing text messages
McAvoy warned that narcissists can “send short messages without any follow-up, leaving partners feeling anxious, off-balance and confused about the current state of the relationship”.
When you get a text message along the lines of, “I had fun yesterday. My head hurts now. Thanks,” you’re left asking yourself what you did to cause them trouble or upset them.
Another example would be when they ask you to meet up for the weekend and you say yes, but then they stop responding.
7. They always send you the same photos, songs, or videos.
Sentimental messages can take many forms, such as pictures from trips you took together, videos of you laughing together, or songs you danced to at your wedding.
Narcissists want to make sure they remain in your heart and keep you attracted to them, and they also want your constant validation that they will not abandon them.
It’s “a way to remind yourself how special you are and provide an emotional connection,” Dr. McAvoy said.
