Many of us breathed a sigh of relief on Tuesday when we learned that Kamala Harris, namesake guru, queen of laughter and transgenderism, lady of seven accents and protector of old age, had chosen a stocky, pale party official from the Northern wilderness as her running mate. Commentary was quick to focus on how foolish this was, given the calibre of Josh Shapiro, the diminutive governor of battleground state Pennsylvania and a relative moderate. Shapiro may not have been the first Jewish vice presidential candidate, but he certainly could have been the first Jewish vice president.
To be clear, while most of us steer clear of Shapiro’s politics, the idea that a Jew is on the verge of holding the most powerful office in the world must understandably stir a certain amount of pride.
The Democrats had the opportunity to look like a normal party and nominate a real hero, but instead they chose a fat political commissar from the frozen wilderness who is the stuff of opposition researchers’ dreams.
Still, I reject the idea that Shapiro was the biggest threat to the Trump campaign. While it’s hard to overstate his value in Pennsylvania (the Keystone State played a crucial role in Trump’s victory eight years ago over the Woman Who Must Not Be Named), here’s a scenario I would have been more afraid of.
What if astronaut trainee Harris had decided to put Mark Kelly on her campaign bus instead of Shapiro or Commissar Tim Walz?
First, what is clear is that the U.S. Senator from Arizona is a bona fide American hero: an astronaut. Newspaper editorials will predictably and surely declare that he has the right man for the job. Add to that the fact that his wife was nearly killed by an assassin’s bullet, a gunshot wound to the head that is more serious than President Trump’s minor head wound, and the inevitable contrasts (absurd as they may be) created by the useful idiots of the media, and you are sure to succeed in blunting Trump’s hero status.
This allows Kelly to speak about gun control in a non-threatening way that neither Kamala nor Walz can, and you owe it to him to listen to him, as he has seen first-hand the most insidious counterarguments to the Second Amendment argument.
Finally, while he doesn’t have the clout that Shapiro does in Pennsylvania, Kelly is a popular border politician who could certainly help move Arizona into the Democratic camp and blunt the edge of a formidable weapon in the border empire.
As an astronaut, Kelly is also a skilled advocate of environmentalism: “He’s seen the Earth from space. Have you seen it?” Like William Shatner, who took a brief suborbital mission courtesy of Jeff Bezos, Kelly has seen the planet’s fragility and returned a changed man.
Finally, it’s worth noting that he’s a twin — not as dramatic a debut as Shapiro or Buttigieg, but still a debut. And twin astronaut brothers is an interesting story! Any journalism student can explain the human interest angle with that fact alone.
You’ve seen Trump’s perfect Republican Convention. Now imagine the third night of the Democratic National Convention, with Mark Kelly’s nominating and introduction series featuring not only his twin brother and disabled wife, but also George Takei and Mark Hamill.
The twin brothers got the crowd going with their usual brotherly jokes. Then Sulu and Skywalker came onstage. Takei made a few sarcastic remarks about Trump’s exaggerated language, eliciting an “Oh my gosh” from the crowd. Hamill warned against turning to the dark side. Both said they were in awe of the man who lived the life they portrayed in the movies.
Then there’s Gabby Giffords: Kelly’s wife will tell the horrific details of caring for a woman with a traumatic brain injury, rather than the story of a kind husband who loved her, the privileged child of immigrants who fled crushing Appalachian poverty.
Finally, manly Kelly will take the stage. He will declare that while he respects the passions of progressives, he is a moderate from a moderate background. Like Nixon on his visit to China, he may criticize Biden and Harris on the border and prepare a death blow for Trump.
“Donald Trump had four years to fix the border. He didn’t do it. But, honestly, so did Joe Biden. So did Kamala Harris. And she volunteered to take on that task.”
“No one has succeeded. I’ll tell you why. I from “The border states. This problem is complicated, and no one has been successful in solving it. It’s not rocket science, but it’s as close to rocket science as you can get. Trump is right to say this is a problem the country needs to address, but it can’t be solved with simple slogans, and neither can a wall that separates families on either side of the border.”
“Vice President Harris has received a lot of criticism for her response to this issue, but she alone has had the insight to go where these people are, often in desperate situations. We need to go to their countries and talk to their governments and relief agencies. We need to rebuild the economies of every country in the Americas.”
“But above all, we need to stop believing that simple slogans can solve a crisis that will cost trillions of dollars and affect millions of lives.”
“As a native of a border state and an Arizona native, I look to the leadership of men like Ronald Reagan and Barry Goldwater, who welcomed immigrants but built a system that controlled the influx of new Americans.”
“A border crisis? Our neighbors in Arizona certainly think so. Should we solve it? Absolutely. But let’s do it right.”
On gun control: “I ask everyone to hold a moment of silence for Corey Comperatore. He may have had different views on politics than we do, but he was our brother and neighbor, a fellow American who exercised his right in our democratic system to work for the election results he believed in.”
“What happened on July 13th was a tragedy. One American is dead, two are seriously injured, and President Trump, the man we’re here to criticize, not hate, was nearly killed by a sick extremist.”
“Let me say something to you all, and I want all of you to hear this: What happened that day has no place in our democracy. Of course we don’t agree with President Trump, but let’s not doubt his love for America and his supporters. He was adding a voice to our national dialogue, and we want to win the debate with him, because our ideas are better. But he is a man who loves his wife and children, and we know they need not fear that he will not come home.”
Tuesday was a lucky day for Kamala Harris, who doesn’t want to lose attention to a competent Jewish governor or a rocket man with a burning fuse on the national stage.
“Maybe I have the right perspective on this. I nearly lost the best person I know, my wife, my partner, my best friend. I chose public service to honor what she started. In a better country, a more just world, she would be here with this nomination, because she would have been a great leader for our party and our country. But a madman with a gun cut her public service career short.”
“Instead, I spent months fearing I would lose her and watched her be taken away from me time and time again. That should never happen to any family.”
“So I say this: We need common sense reform of our gun laws, but we’re not going to go take away your guns. We’re not going to do that if you’re a law-abiding citizen.”
“No, we need to fix our broken gun laws so guns don’t get into the hands of bad people, crazy people and mentally ill people.”
“I know President Trump is watching tonight. Let me be the first to say, Mr. President, I apologize for any comments I made that contributed to the heated rhetoric on both sides of the aisle that made it seem OK to try to kill a man for what he believes in. No, hear me out. When my wife was shot by a coward, some of the kindest words I received came from the great Republican of Arizona, John McCain, who expressed his disgust and his horror, and his determination to work with me.”
“President Trump, if you’re listening, both of our lives have been touched by the scourge of gun violence. Meet me. Meet me over a cheeseburger and a Coke. Let’s find common ground, stop using the Second Amendment to cover up what’s perverse, and protect the rights our Founding Fathers felt were important enough to put in the Bill of Rights.”
“But let us work together to build a bipartisan dialogue and work to remove the heat and hatred from our political discourse.”
The Democrats had a chance to look like a normal political party. They had a chance to nominate a real candidate. hero.
Instead, they chose an opposition researcher’s dream: an emaciated political commissar from the frozen wilderness.
Tuesday was a lucky day for Kamala Harris, who doesn’t want to lose attention to a competent Jewish governor or a rocket man with a burning fuse on the national stage.
But luckily our ears are still puckered and bloody from that near accident.
