Dear Abby: Fifteen years ago, my partner and I moved to a new neighborhood and became friends with a neighbor who impressed us so much by his kindness and generosity that when he found out I was unemployed, he used his influence to help me get a job at his company.
But at work, her neighbor revealed his manipulative, condescending, treacherous and spiteful nature, often reducing co-workers to tears with his foul-mouthed and violent tirades. It was a Jekyll and Hyde transformation.
After 10 years of his tyranny and a suicide attempt by a colleague who was mercilessly persecuted by him, I got a job in another company and then retired to another state, and since then he has been contacting me periodically saying that he misses us, neighbors and friends, and would like to come and see us.
Working for his company has allowed us to plan for a future that was previously out of our reach financially, but I lack the ability to prioritize gratitude over the memories of the emotional abuse he inflicted on me and my coworkers.
Working there had a negative impact on my health. I don’t want to go through that experience again just to satisfy his ego. My partner says he can tolerate anything for a few days. Am I wrong to think so? Arizona hesitates
To those of you who are hesitant: If your ex-boss asks to visit, politely decline. If he continues to ask to visit, it’s time to have an honest discussion with him. In that case (and it will happen), tell him that he was nice to you personally, but that his verbal abuse and driving a colleague to suicide are the reasons you left the company, and that’s why you don’t want him to visit.
Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married for 25 years and over the past few years have become politically polar opposites. We watch different news networks and media. It is becoming increasingly difficult to have a conversation with him without politics coming up.
As a result, I avoid talking about anything with him which is putting a strain on our marriage. Also, I prefer to go alone to social events since he brings up his political opinions even in casual conversations with people he meets for the first time.
Do you have any advice on how to deal with this issue? I don’t think the situation will get better after the election, regardless of the outcome. Opposite Houston, Texas
Dear Opponent: Differences in beliefs about what is important can create an unbridgeable gap between spouses and can destroy a marriage. In most marriages, some degree of compromise is possible. If you and your husband have a hard time compromising, marriage counseling may help you find ways to overcome your political differences. If you can’t, you and your husband will have to make some difficult decisions.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jean Phillips) and published by her mother, Pauline Phillips. To contact Dear Abby, please contact us at http://www.DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
