Dear Abby: I am a middle-aged man who had a weight problem several years ago. When I turned 50, I was diagnosed with metabolic syndrome, high blood pressure and diabetes. I followed my doctor's advice to diet and exercise 150 minutes a week. Today, I have lost almost half my weight and am healthy.
My problem now is finding a woman my age or close to my age who is as committed to exercise and fitness as I am. It's nearly impossible to find a partner who shares the same values. I've tried dating sites but I almost always get scammed. I date, but if I'm not physically attracted to the person, I can't get out of the “friend zone.”
I think physical attraction is a pretty big factor in a healthy relationship. Having friends is important, but finding someone to run with, bike with, kayak with, etc. is essential to a successful relationship for me. Is it enough to just have someone to spend time with, or should I hold out hope that I'll find a woman I'm attracted to? I haven't had much luck finding a compatible partner. Am I being too picky when so many people don't or won't take care of themselves? — Disappointment in Memphis
To those of you who are discouraged: Physical attraction is important, but the reasons we are attracted to others vary from person to person. There is no need to be lonely. Physical health is also very important in life, as well as compatibility, so keep looking online and you will find that there are multiple dating sites for people interested in health and fitness. Good luck!
Dear Abby: I am an older woman, still in a great job and very satisfied with life. My husband is a pastor but we own our own apartment and my adult daughter lives in the church parsonage with her 3 children and partner. My husband has expressed his intention to retire next year and rightly so.
Obviously my daughter needs to find a new place to live. She is suggesting that I sell our apartment and move in with her and her family in a duplex. I love her and my grandchildren, but I don't want to do that as I've already paid off the mortgage. I don't think she has any savings to cover a down payment or the myriad other costs that go into buying and maintaining a home. How can I respond without hurting her too much? Bad idea in New York
That's a bad idea: Your adult daughter is very lucky to have parents who were able to provide a home for her, her partner, and her children. You don't mention whether she and her partner are employed (I wish they were). If they are employed, they could pool their income together and pay rent to a landlord.
Ask your daughter how she plans to contribute to the proposed arrangement and be honest about how you feel. No one will be hurt if you speak up. Don't be harsh, but make it clear that her idea doesn't work for you.
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