YPhilomena Kank (who bears a striking resemblance to comedian Diane Morgan) has appeared as a talking head in Charlie Brooker's Weekly Wipe and in her own BBC shows Kank on Britain and Kank on It is best known for “Earth”. If there's something to be learned about the world, Kank stands by to ask questions that others wouldn't dare ask (“Why do onions cry when they hurt?”, “The culturally most Which is more important?”, etc.). Beyoncé Renaissance or Single Ladies?” Now she's back with a new BBC show, Cunk on Life, and a new book. The world of thunk: Illustrated explanations of all world events that have ever occurred, as space permits. We caught up with the amateur historian turned host to talk ghosts, politics, and monster munchies…
Hello Philomena! You wrote a new book – “According to the World” To Kunku. What is the most difficult thing about writing a book?
Probably all of them. Because you don't just have to start, you have to finish. And worst of all, between the two, you have to keep moving forward. This is my second time doing this, and this time I almost took a vacation in the middle. That's terrible.
Did you really write it yourself, or did you hire someone like Katie Price to ghostwrite it?
Unfortunately, I had to do it myself as Katie Price was unavailable for various reasons.
Do you read books written by ghosts?
Everyone already has one. Dickens is already a ghost. Shakespeare is a ghost. Everything you are taught about GCSE is written by ghosts.
What other books have you read?
I thought “Mr Tickle” was interesting. Because this book is one of the few that actually deals with the issues surrounding biscuits in a very mature way. And I loved reading the Beko washing machine instructions. Otherwise, we would have no idea how the 30-degree cycle ends. And I hate not knowing how things will end. Spoiler alert: It ends with a beep and a light going off.
Should reading continue to be taught in schools, or is it just as meaningless later in life as mathematics?
I think reading instruction should stop once a child can read. Otherwise, the child will find it a bit patronizing.
There's also a new BBC series called Cunk About life. How did you start searching for the meaning of life?
I looked it up on Google. It turns out that most of the meaning of life is sponsored advertising. Maybe that is the meaning of life? Certainly there are a lot of them.
What's the best thing about being on the BBC? Did you get a BBC branded microphone?
Receive emergency exit instructions and receive a lanyard. And a long story about not giving the BBC a bad name. But, of course, it's not the people who came for it that we have to worry about. What we need to be careful about are the people who don't come. However, you don't get a sticker afterwards like you do at the dentist. So trying not to get burned at the station is no better than getting stuffed. I don't know where the BBC microphones are kept. It wasn't on the course. I remember one Joker once bending Terry Wogan's in half, so it's probably now kept in secure storage to save license fees for license fee payers.
Who is the most famous person you've seen at the BBC Cafe?picture?
The BBC Café is no more. All are conference rooms named after Del Boy, Teletubby, and more. So you have to line up at Caffè Nero next to either Emilys or Neils. And I don't know who any of them are. Unless they're Emily or Neil and they're drinking complicated coffee. If you want to know which is Emily and which is Neil, you have to look at their straps. Because they all wear the same glasses.
If you could recommend any other BBC program, what would it be?
weather. I dress up as a cloud and do it because, honestly, that's all there is to it these days.
If you could interview anyone, living or dead, on any topic, who would it be?
Why interview dead people? They're not going to tell you much. Even if they could hear it, they probably couldn't hear it through the coffin. If I had to choose a Dead or Alive subject, it would be the band Dead or Alive. I think Pete Burns was the best Prime Minister we've ever had. He wasn't the Prime Minister, was he?
what if they make you Prime Minister of the day?
resign.
What do you think about the current state of British politics?
I think there are too many prime ministers right now. It's worse than Spider-Man. Perhaps we need a new head, like a president or Father Christmas.
Have you ever thought about going into politics yourself?
No, but I wanted to join Wicks. Only God knows what kind of store it is. But everyone comes out of there with something that could be used to cover up a murder.
What law would you repeal if you could?
The one about “no bombing” in swimming pools. That's ridiculous. Where else can we bomb? You can't do that in a park or on top of Asda. And there is a rule at the airport that shampoo bottles have to be very small. Are flight attendants the only ones with beautiful hair?
What kind of work did you do before becoming a presenter?
I had a job at Argos where they piled up catalogs. When they went digital, I was laid off along with Laura, who was in charge of the little pen. When she heard that she was losing her job, she became furious and ate one. She was going to sue the management for not having a “Do Not Eat Pen” sign.
Who is your other favorite TV host?
I like Barry Scott from Cillit Bang. I don't see much of him these days. Has he been canceled?
What is your specialty regarding Mastermind?
Monster Munch 1977-1995.
Other than that movie, we don't see much of Philomena. Have you seen it?
Someone asked me if it was named after the movie, and when I checked, it was named before the movie. Therefore, it should be named after me.
Do you have any hobbies?
yes. Fourth.
What do you like to eat?
Monster Munch. The best thing about Monster Munch is that it is suitable for vegetarians even though it is meaty since it is not manufactured using real monsters.
Have you traveled a lot?
My show requires me to travel to five places around the world, and to be honest, I don't really like corners because I had to stand in a lot of them when I was a student. I want to do a show that ignores our corner of the world and travels to the middle of the world instead. Maybe it's a mall machine for one person. A little peace and quiet.
Did you have a happy childhood?
yes. It was a very happy childhood. There's a picture and I'm holding an ice cream.
What was it like at school?
hot. They screwed the window shut because Tina Wood threw Garfield out the window in RE.
What difficulties did you have to overcome to succeed in show business as a woman?
Opening hard bottles and doing road construction.
Lastly, please give some advice to people who want to appear on TV.
Have a strong opinion and express your opinion. But don't think too much. If you don't, you'll get tired. If television has taught me anything, it's that the mind isn't meant to think, it's meant to talk.
