IThis is the logical consequence of a throwaway society. Don't like the results of the last general election? Then please eat another one. Who cares that the new government has only been in office for four months? If you aren't already feeling significantly better, the new Prime Minister is clearly a bad person. Even if it actually takes years to rebuild an economy that has been in decline for more than a decade. Never give Labor an equal break. Keir Starmer is like a Premier League manager after a string of poor results. On borrowed time.
At least that's what Nigel Farage, Elon Musk and others would have you believe. How thoughtful of the strangest man in the world to show so much interest in us poor Brits. One would have thought he would be well suited to run a new department that would make government more efficient for Donald Trump. You might start by firing yourself. Doing so will save you hundreds of thousands of dollars.
A petition calling for a new general election now has more than 2 million signatures. Perhaps it's not that surprising. In July, far more people voted for parties other than Labor, so perhaps they are not big fans of the government. What's even more remarkable is that everyone is taking this issue remotely seriously. In this new world, anything you don't like can be undone within minutes. Apart from Brexit. This must never be tampered with under any circumstances.
We have reached a point where the most enlightened people are the ones who rail against the enlightened the loudest. Poor Nige. It cannot be managed for a second under a Labor government. Of course, like most things with Farage, he tries to pass it off as just a joke. A little populist prank. But you just know that beneath the surface he's deadly serious. Because if he had a chance to enter the general election through a petition, he would take it.
To dampen this sense of unreality, Mr Starmer was even asked about the petition when he appeared on This Morning Sofa on Monday. He was ostensibly there to discuss making spiked drinks illegal. “I know it’s already illegal,” he said. “But I'm determined to make it even more illegal.” That should do. Still, he treated the petition with deserved contempt. As far as he knew, Britain still had a constitutional limit of five years for parliamentary sessions, and so far it had only been in place for four months. Elon will be devastated.
But there is a growing sense everywhere that you can cancel anything you don't like. Later in the afternoon, Priti Patel used an urgent question to urge the government to ignore an arrest warrant from the International Criminal Court that claims Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has committed war crimes. In the Multiverse of Pretty, we should be able to choose which verdicts we like and which ones we don't like.
So obviously, when the ICC issues an arrest warrant against Vladimir Putin, we applaud its findings. But after the court found reason to believe that Prime Minister Netanyahu may have used famine as a means of war, Priti threw the toy out of the stroller. The ICC was just a court of pariahs. Understandably, Labor was reluctant to agree with Mr Pretty. And she's usually the first to complain about the second tier of police.
Still, no one dies wondering what Patel is thinking. Most of us already know before she speaks. It's always the worst take imaginable. She is someone that it is almost impossible to think of the worst because she is already one step ahead of you. Meanwhile, Kemi Badenok began to speak in riddles. I know what she's saying is almost certainly offensive, but I have no way of verifying it. Her sentences start in the middle and end in another paragraph. There's no logic. There are no obvious signs of intelligence. She would either bore us to death or confuse us.
No CBI meeting was held last year. The CBI only managed to have a “winter moment” as it was still deeply embarrassed by the sexual misconduct allegations. But now it's back. In a sense. The number of spectators was reduced, and the main hall was half the size of the previous audience. But politicians still feel the need to maintain this power. So KemiKaze was given a lunchtime keynote slot. It was just a shame she didn't bring her A game.
What she said was anyone's guess. The participants looked at each other curiously. I'm looking for an answer that doesn't come up. But let's see if we can understand it more. Kemi wanted deregulation because it was good for business. Um… Brexit, chemistry? The government can't do everything, but she couldn't say what the government can do.
She wanted to grow. It's not just growth, it's special growth that you can see when you look outside. Some work had to go. Some required social skills. pot and kettle. There may also be knobs and levers. The system was broken and she couldn't fix it. You should forget that restaurants have menus. We needed a different strategy and she didn't know what it was. She didn't even know whether to keep Labour's National Insurance changes. Probably yes, probably no. Thank you and good night. She's either a genius or half-talented. You decide.
Rachel Reeves then joined in the fireside conversation. Or don't regret it. She had no choice but to increase taxes. If you think it's hard enough, give it a try, CBI. Please tell me what you would have done. No one said anything. The voice of the ministering Angel of Death could be heard in the near silence. So was Kemi. The applause was a few beats short of politeness. It is no exaggeration to say that most participants did not seem to have much faith in the government's ability to rebuild the economy. It is in an unstable stable state. They will see it and believe in growth. That way you can avoid further disappointment.
A year at Westminster: John Crace, Marina Hyde and Pippa Crellard
On Tuesday 3 December, Crais, Hyde and Crellard will be broadcast live from London's Barbican and livestreamed around the world as we look back at an unprecedented year in politics.Book your tickets here or at Guardian.Live
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