Asking Eric: Readers weigh in on woman who found out her dead partner was with several other women

Dear Eric: This is in response to the person who lost the love of her life unexpectedly and was not aware of his other romantic interests that were ongoing with other women (“Gripped by Grief”). This woman should definitely be seen by her gynecologist for possible exposures to STIs. Having worked in an OB/GYN office for 30 years, it was very common that women exposed to multiple partners sexually would have abnormal Pap smears and other sexually transmitted infections.

– Concerned Reader

Dear Reader: This is good advice. Per the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, sexually active people with risk factors such as new partners, multiple partners or a partner who has an STI should be tested at least once a year. The letter writer was unknowingly in a relationship with someone with multiple partners, so she’d be wise to seek out testing (free and low-cost options can be found at gettested.cdc.gov) and talk with her healthcare provider as soon as possible.

Dear Eric: I just wanted to add to the conversation about “Gripped with Grief,” who found out their partner had multiple girlfriends after the partner died. They are experiencing complex, disenfranchised grief. They could benefit from reaching out to a grief counselor in their area. As a hospice social worker, I know that no amount of talking to friends or family, OR letting people know about her partner’s lifestyle, will take the place of a true grief counselor when one experiences this type of combined grief, betrayal and disenfranchisement of “normal” grief.

– Long Road to Healing

Dear Healing: Absolutely. In addition to the testing suggested by a letter above, the letter writer should take the time to process the feelings that are coming with a professional or support group. Many state and local governments have resource pages for finding help. Additionally, there are searchable databases for groups and counselors on PsychologyToday.com.