Dear Abby: I have a friend of 30 years called “Doug”. I have moved, but we still get together once or twice a year. I've known him longer than his wife, and I've watched his son grow up by participating in his sports activities and contributing to school fundraisers during our visits. he's a good boy
I recently heard rumors that Doug had inappropriately approached or touched women within our circle of friends. It happened once when I was there. Sadly, there were multiple accusations. I don't believe those rumors. Although I did not witness it, I now understand my actions after that event.
I'm sad, disappointed and a little angry. One of the victims is also a close friend of mine, so I distanced myself from Doug. I feel guilty for continuing the relationship with him as if nothing happened. Doug's wife and son often ask us when we'll be visiting again. Now that I am semi-retired, I have no excuses. I can't just be an outcast and I obviously don't want to be the one who destroys the family. Also, you don't want to tarnish the reputation of the victim by acting as if nothing happened. Is there a way out of this? — Torn in Wisconsin
Dear Tone: Suppose your friend Doug touches you inappropriately. said What happened, you didn't hear it from anyone. If so, the rumor is highly reliable. Did this change in Doug's behavior occur because he was drunk or because he had some other disorder? If the answer is no, then there may be a medical problem. A doctor's diagnosis is required.
If you are truly a friend of his wife, tell her what you were told, the rumors are spreading, and that you are worried about him. It may not be news she wants to hear, but it's important for her to tell you.
Dear Abby: I'm a guy who recently found a new job with a group of people I've gotten to know and like. One of my brothers died by suicide about 10 years ago. I miss her so much, but I got through the stages of grief, accepted it, and moved on.
There was a party at work recently. People were talking about their families and siblings, and now it was my turn to talk about them. I said there were two of them, but one of them passed away. I felt that was not the ideal response in this situation, which I have experienced several times over the last few years. What is the best way to answer questions about my deceased brother? I don't want to forget her and the wonderful memories I had with her. — Massachusetts Awkwardness
Dear Awkward Person: You handled the situation appropriately. There is no obligation to discuss the death of a sibling or other relative by suicide during the party. Otherwise, the celebratory mood would surely have subsided. It would be best to discuss this privately if you wish.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
