It's safe to say Pope Francis isn't a fan of gossip. Just before Christmas, in one of his last public appearances in 2024, he declared it.Evil that destroys social lifeit disguises people's hearts and leads to nothing… there's zero gossip.” But beyond the Vatican, the bad reputation of gossip is being re-evaluated. Last year, a study in the US We found that gossip evolved to support the functioning of social groups by spreading useful information about individual members and encouraging cooperation. Researchers also found that people spend around an hour of rumours every day, and that “almost everyone” does it.
As the (nuisance) saying goes, it is far from being a protection of the “small mind” and gossip appears to be a natural social action and have potential benefits. But there are good and bad ways to do that. We asked experts how to gossip wisely.
You should Try reducing gossip – or abstain entirely?
“I don't think it's possible for people to stop gossiping,” says Frank McAndrew, a psychology professor at Knox College, Illinois. “It's part of who we are. It's like eating and breathing. I can't tell you how many times people say to me, 'I don't gossip,'” he says. Masu. Important information.
In reality, many gossips are either insignificant “or actually do something good.” McAndrew suggests that gossip is best understood not as a character flaw, but as a social skill, not as a bad habit you should strive to kick. “It's not whether you do it or not — it's whether you do it well.”
What distinguishes between good and bad gossip?
“Good gossip is usually very popular,” says McAndrew. Their Intel against others makes them the desired company, but they also make good judgments when separating it. That's how they can be very knowledgeable, he continues: “They have a reputation for being modest. They don't use it in reckless and nasty ways.”
Ineffective gossip is careless, sharing “everything they know, listeners” without heart to the audience, sharing potential risks and consequences, and clearly self-interested. You can move forward, “talking about other people like you're talking badly,” says McAndrew.
What is the safest gossip to share?
Gossip is usually negative, but it doesn't have to be. Maria Kakarika, an associate professor at Durham University School of Business, recommends practicing “positive gossip.”
This not only counteracts the negative bias of many back-channel communications (which can make the situation look worse), but is well reflected in gossip. “You are perceived as a positive person in the minds of others,” says Kakarika.
This is especially important in the workplace. A Kakarika survey conducted last year discovered it Office gossip was generally seen negativelyand their actions can affect their career progress.
The exception was “when the purpose of gossip is to benefit the group.” For example, you are hearing alarms from workplace cheating and freeriders.
Should we act on gossip?
For organizations, gossip can contain useful data and even raise awareness of looming issues and risks.
Catherine Waddington, Emelita Fellow of Psychology at Westminster University and author of gossip, organization and work, research summary cites Native American proverbs.
Waddington suggests that information shared is repeated and is worth an open minded look from several sources. “It can actually be very useful to know what gossip about you are.” But not all of that will be of high quality or “pure,” adds Waddington: .
Similarly, it is important not to lose sight of the risk. “The possibility that gossip can do harm should never be overlooked.”
How can you gossip better?
Until the Biblical era, gossip has been gendered as a woman's behavior. “What do you think you're doing when you get off the pub with your peers on Wednesday night?”
McCandrew says there is evidence that gossip has a greater currency for women than men, and that women are more likely to use it actively. But “that's not to say women are more troublesome than men,” he added. Rather, it reflects the use of the small power they had historically had.
In the past, understanding who can be trusted and who relate to whom and how was the key to a woman's survival. “It has become an essential skill and currency in that it wasn't just for men,” says McAndrew.
That's the case today. The predatory behavior of Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby was rumoured long before they went to trial. In an office environment, new female employees may be told by other women to be wary of certain male colleagues, McAndrew said. “It may be seen as a negative and nasty gossip, but it actually helps protect you.” Similarly, gossip is paid far more than another person in the same role. It can emphasize workplace inequality, such as whether or not you are. “It's a way to level the arena: deal with power.”
Who do you think gossip is important?
One of the features of gossip is as a social glue, says McAndrew: Trouble for me and for others. ”
It generates and strengthens bonds, but it also creates expectations of reciprocity, he adds: “There is pressure on you to share something in order for our relationship to move forward. .”
We can reveal ourselves to who we gossip with and about it. For example, someone who spills over a casual acquaintance about their best friend may come across as two sides, but two best friends who blow a third in the trio can trust mutual understanding.
McAndrew is closer to the person we gossipede, the higher our stakes. “If I'm telling something about my wife to a colleague I don't know, it should be a red flag because it betrays my confidence in someone I should be protecting.”
What are the basic rules for rumors?
Our preference for gossip dates back to the day we were hunter-gatherers, but now we use a variety of tools. And “That's what causes a lot of trouble,” says McAndrew. Before digital communication and social media, gossip “travels slowly.” Now, compromised material can be instantly and unexpectedly shared with large audiences. “The damage is done more quickly,” he says.
Even screenshots and other “receipts” can easily be misunderstood, even those pose as crystal clear evidence. Limiting chatting to face-to-face will increase the chances of communicating context and tone.
Similarly, McAndrew recommends paying attention when mixing gossip and alcohol. You may not remember exactly who you told them, or you may know that you did something you shouldn't have. ”
What can you do when you're caught?
McAndrew says that the best course of action is to own it to your mistakes. Also. “
Whatever you do, don't deny what you are causing you to violate or try to brush it off, he says. People have different thresholds for what is counted as personal information. For example, some people don't like to promote their age. “If you tell them, 'No one cares,' you'll somehow downplay them to them and tell them it's inappropriate for them to be upset. You may think it's trivial, but if it's not trivial to them, it's not,” says McAndrew.
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Gossip often presents us with this moral dilemma, says Waddington. “There is no clear right or wrong answer. It's an ethical decision in the end.” She suggests getting closer to what “need to know.” By disclosing gossip, if the cause of the harm, pain or suffering of a person, your role as their friend may be to protect them.
However, if there is an advantage to sharing gossip (for example, if it is clearly undoubtedly malicious), then you may be able to help you challenge and expose it. It could even be an opportunity to build an alliance, McAndrew says. “You can strategically let someone know that they are targets for gossip, but he adds: “You have to play this game skillfully and thoughtfully.”
Can you protect yourself from hearing things you don't want to hear?
Waddington likens gossip to a rich diet. “It's actually fun, with good friends and good wine,” she says. However, overdose can leave a nasty taste. “It's like a hangover or it's a bit bloated.”
But drawing a line between harmlessness and wounding is very personal. “People need to have their own code of moral compass, what is acceptable to them. You can't be normative or give them a little checklist.” Waddington says. But she has a strategy when you realize you've lost your gossip appetite. “If someone comes to you and says, 'I've heard of it…”, they say, 'Why are you telling me this?' before they go any further. ”
