The last few years? They’ve been pretty rough. We’ve faced illness and loss, not just personally but around us as well. It honestly feels like a lot of important things have been stagnant lately.
Work is okay, actually better than usual, but if I’m being genuine here, I don’t really care much about it. It’s not what matters right now. When life seemed to improve, work felt heavier, and I can’t help but wish for a trade-off.
With flickering bathroom lights, we tend to think that the worst is just creating more hassle.
I try not to let depression overwhelm me. I strive to stay positive, looking for silver linings amid the chaos.
It’s tough, though. I’m not on the verge of breaking down, but I oscillate between joy and despair.
Interestingly enough, I’ve found a steadier resignation. If you want to label it negatively, one could say I’ve become a bit emotionally numb. I think I’ve just stopped understanding my desires as much.
So, yeah, I don’t. I hold onto hope while preparing for what’s to come. It feels like—perhaps—I’m wishing for better days, and that’s okay.
Let it go and let it be God
I’m a person of faith. I believe in God and strive to live according to my beliefs. However, it’s tricky to maintain that faith when everything around feels broken. There’s a teaching that we should be grateful for everything; it feels almost impossible when faced with both good and bad.
Maintaining faith during tough times is a timeless question. Many have pondered this over ages, facing challenges known only to God.
Those who’ve endured tremendous suffering—far more than I have—bring depth to this conversation. It’s one of those eternal human dilemmas, and honestly, I can’t say I have a quick answer.
Icebreaker mode
For now, I’ve given up on finding a clear solution. I focus instead on what I can influence, though that’s not going particularly well. It’s like I’m in icebreaker mode.
Even though I say work doesn’t matter much, I pour myself into it because, in reality, it feels like the only thing I can control. Is that an unhealthy attachment? Maybe. Yet, it keeps me engaged and moving forward, which can be essential.
Life can feel like a snowball rolling downhill. The momentum builds, and changing direction becomes harder.
We see it in our routine actions. When we’re late for everything, it’s tough to kickstart motivation. Those without work feel the drag of inactivity. Conversely, if you hit the ground running in the morning and keep busy, stopping becomes difficult. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Our mindset mimics a snowball rolling down a slope. If we’re in a positive cycle, we’ll continue that way—unless we face real setbacks. On the flip side, a negative spiral can be just as hard to escape, making the world feel darker.
DIM default settings
Lately, my expectations seem caught in a negative loop. When I stray from work-related thoughts, I’m not inclined to anticipate positivity. My default is stuck in DIM mode, and until recently, I didn’t fully grasp how true this was.
Take the bathroom lights, for instance. They flickered ominously, giving off a horror movie vibe. I had replaced the fixtures last year—an old house with peculiar wiring—and assumed I had messed something up.
I turned off the power, removed the fixtures, double-checked everything, tightened screws, and even swapped out the wall switches. I flipped the power back on, but the flickering persisted.
I mentioned to my wife that I should just get a new fixture. I was resigned to another trip to Home Depot when she asked, “Have you checked the light bulb? Maybe it’s the bulb.”
I hadn’t considered that. So, I tried it—and it worked. Fixed.
Simple answer
How silly is that? I overlooked a simple light bulb issue. I assumed the problem was bigger—wiring, fixtures, or my amateur installation—but that moment gave me clarity.
With flickering lights, we often think the worst is just additional stress. Sure, dealing with wires and switches isn’t ideal, but if I had just checked the bulb first, I would’ve saved myself time and hassle.
Sometimes, it feels like nothing goes right. Maybe that’s just life. Yet, the reality is often less severe than we believe. When we open our eyes properly, there’s always a glimmer of light. It might be tough to notice when surrounded by darkness, but it’s worth trying to find.
That’s the best I’ve got at this point.
