Dear Abby: I’ve been married for a decade now. My husband is from another country, and the past six years have been challenging. We were the only income source for our family, and a lawyer advised us (he refused to work illegally) while he sorted out his paperwork. I’ve stood by him through thick and thin, but I’ve endured emotional stress and, honestly, some verbal abuse—something I’m not proud to admit.
The breaking point came when he had a rough day and threw a tantrum in public while our toddler was crying. After he broke a fishing rod, I pointed out how childish and ignorant his behavior was. He replied that he’d show me “childish” when we got home. I ended up taking the kids and staying with my mother for the last six months. It’s worth noting that since Covid, he’s been dealing with some undiagnosed mental health issues.
Since we left, he seems to recognize how he treated me and is seeking help. Should I believe he has changed for the better, or is it time to move on? He was a wonderful father and a attentive stay-at-home dad until he started working again after I left. My concern is for my child— I don’t want them to experience or think it’s okay to treat someone poorly. – Confusing in Indiana
Dear Confusion: I agree that modeling abusive behavior is not good for your child. You mentioned your husband is seeking professional help, which is a positive step. I suggest, before deciding whether to reconcile or separate, to carefully evaluate the situation. Make sure he’s not just trying to win you back but is genuinely addressing his issues. Attending some therapy sessions with him could provide reassurance and demonstrate the benefits for both of you if you choose to work on your marriage.
Dear Abby: I’ve had a friend since middle school, and we’ve kept in touch for years. Lately, she and her husband have been visiting us more often, and we’ve also gone to their place. Whenever we’re their guests, we always express our gratitude with dinner or other hosting gestures.
Dear Feels Used: The next time they ask to visit, let them know it’s “not convenient” or that you can’t host them because you have “other plans.” You might suggest they consider booking a nice hotel nearby. This way, you set clear boundaries without feeling pressured. (Repeat as necessary.)
