Dear Abby: Concerns About Trust and Family Dynamics
Dear Abby: A few months ago, we asked our 19-year-old college daughter, “Lulu,” to pet sit and house sit for us. She was aware of our rules regarding unauthorized guests while we were away. Because of this, I didn’t feel the need to hide away mail and personal documents before a brief trip.
However, Lulu invited her new boyfriend to stay over for a few weekends. Not only did she allow this unfamiliar person into our home, but she also kept it from us for several months. It’s hard to shake the disappointment we feel about her lack of judgment, especially considering the sensitive documents that were left unattended.
Her choices regarding her personal life are her own as an adult, but rebuilding trust feels daunting. After finding out about the weekend visitor, she had a chance to start mending things, but she kept up the act for a while. While she has been attending counseling sessions in the past semesters, it leaves me wondering what our next step should be. – No Trust in New Mexico
Dear No Trust: Lulu’s actions have shown a disregard for your rules, so it may be wise to secure your home better. Perhaps consider locking away financial documents while you’re away and looking for a dog sitter. I hope her counseling will guide her to develop better judgment and make safer choices in the future.
Another Concern: Family Loss and Strain
Dear Abby: Five years ago, I lost my daughter to cancer; she was only 36. She left behind three young children, and during the time my daughter and her husband worked, I acted as their primary caregiver. We shared an incredibly close bond.
After her passing, my son-in-law asked me to move in for support. Initially, it was manageable, but tensions arose, particularly regarding finances. Following a heated argument where I said hurtful things about him online, he restricted my access to my grandchildren. Two years later, I’m unsure how to mend things. – Missing Them in Maryland
Dear Missing Them: You mentioned that tensions began to emerge, and it seems that the argument was particularly significant. I recommend continuing to offer sincere apologies to your former son-in-law and perhaps sending gifts or cards to your grandchildren on special occasions. It might help in slowly rebuilding those connections.
Dear Abby is a column founded by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and initiated by her mother, Pauline Phillips. For more assistance, reach out to Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
