Dear Abby:

I experienced sexual abuse as a child, and as an adult, I find it difficult to feel comfortable with physical touch. I’m in therapy and making progress, but I still prefer that people ask before they touch me. Most of the time, I agree when asked.

However, my stepmother doesn’t respect this boundary. She often pulls me into unwanted hugs or surprises me from behind. I’ve explained my past to her, emphasizing the importance of permission, but she dismisses my feelings. Once, she asked, “What? Do you think I’m going to attack you?” Honestly, I don’t think she intends any harm. But it’s more about my comfort than her intentions, and she doesn’t seem to get that.

My husband isn’t helpful either; he avoids getting involved. How can I make her understand that asking first is essential for me? – Illinois Protection

Dear Protection: It’s important to communicate with your stepmother again when things are calm. Emphasize that due to your experiences, you need her to ask before touching you. If her reaction suggests she feels attacked, let her know that her actions make you feel uncomfortable. If she continues to disregard your wishes, you have every right to protect your space.

It would be beneficial for your husband to be present during this conversation.

Dear Abby:

I’ve always thought of my lifelong friend, Mary, as my closest companion. We’ve maintained our friendship in various countries over the years, and I’ve always treated her like family. I usually pick her up from the airport and offer her my guest room when she visits. I’ve never asked for anything in return, as I’m single. Our friendship seemed solid until recently.

When I asked if I could stay with her for a night, she said she couldn’t accommodate me at all. She claimed her apartment is too small and she’s married. I was taken aback, especially by the part about her being married. I felt hurt and somewhat speechless.

Despite this, I still care for Mary, but I can’t seem to move past her response. Am I overreacting? I find myself in tears whenever I think about it. – Thrown to Puerto Rico

Dear Thrown: Your friend mentioned that she has a small apartment, which might mean she lacks space to host guests. Her comment about being married could imply that her husband doesn’t want visitors. Although it’s disappointing, try not to take it too personally. It may be worth reassessing the situation when you visit her next time.