Dear Abby: I’ve been with my boyfriend for 17 years, and he has this friend named Byron. They hang out quite a bit—sometimes up to six days a week. Byron’s wife, Crystal, is always right there with him. They’ve been married for 22 years, and they do everything together.
Crystal seems to crave the spotlight; she’s always talking loudly and bragging to gain attention. She frequently texts my boyfriend and even shares pictures of herself. My boyfriend insists it’s just innocent fun since she’s his friend’s wife. But honestly, I feel like she’s trying to win him over. I’m not really into confrontation, so I guess I’m just putting up with it.
I often find myself around them to take some of her attention away, allowing my boyfriend to have moments with Byron. But, honestly? It’s exhausting. She’s clearly crossing boundaries, treating my boyfriend like he’s hers.
I voiced my discomfort, but he brushed it off, suggesting that my feelings stem from jealousy. He even mentioned that I might be too clingy, which makes me feel bad. I’m just worn out from everything. Am I overthinking this? — Infiltrated in Vermont
Dear Intruder: No, I don’t think you’ve misread Crystal’s need for attention. If trying to safeguard your boyfriend from her grasp isn’t working, consider switching strategies. Maybe take a step back occasionally. Focus on your own friends and activities. This could give you both valuable time together without her constant interference. Honestly, it might be worth a shot, and you may find some benefits from it.
Dear Abby: I’m in the process of leaving my husband of 15 years. He admitted to having sex with me while I was asleep or intoxicated during a period when I struggled with alcohol. He knew about my past sexual abuse, which often occurred when I was sleeping. He insists that this isn’t a problem, even telling me it was okay because I’m his wife—better, he says, than cheating. This has left me deeply scarred. I’m unsure of what to do next. — Traumatized in New York
Dear traumatized: I’m so sorry to hear this. If you haven’t yet, please seek counseling to confront what you’ve described as spousal rape. Engaging in sexual acts with someone who cannot consent is illegal in all 50 states. For your mental health, consider talking to a psychotherapist. You might also want to report the incidents to the authorities. A resource you can reach out to is RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network). They can offer support at Rainn.org.
