Watching a parent face a serious illness often leads to tough decisions. This situation highlights an adult child who had to make a difficult call while caring for his mother, who is battling cancer and is currently in a nursing home.
Initially, to help with her eating difficulties, he gave her access to a food delivery service account. The idea was to allow her to order what she felt like when she wanted it. For a while, it actually worked quite well.
However, as her health worsened, the frequency of her orders increased, but many meals ended up going uneaten.
“My mom has cancer and is in a nursing home. Due to her condition, she often can’t eat or specifically wants something that the nursing home doesn’t provide. So, I linked her to my DoorDash account so she could order food that she might want.”
“It worked well initially, but now she struggles to use her phone properly and mostly sleeps.”
Unfortunately, her DoorDash account had his credit card on file.
“She tries to order pizza but ends up mistakenly ordering fried chicken or something else. Her hand control isn’t great, and she’s unable to process what’s on the screen, so she ends up ordering things she doesn’t actually want. Most frustratingly, for weeks, she simply orders food and then falls back asleep without ever collecting it.”
“Since my card is tied to her account, I’ve been spending a significant amount on food that she doesn’t even eat.”
Feeling overwhelmed, he decided to make a change.
“On a recent visit, I let her know I’d have to remove my credit card from her DoorDash account. I told her she could either ask me to bring food or I could place an order for her and talk to the staff to ensure it got to her. At least that way, she’d have food, even if she didn’t eat it. She agreed.”
“Now, she’s been telling relatives that I cut her off from DoorDash and she’s really hungry.”
I’ve heard from a few family members who disagree with my decision, saying as her child, it’s my responsibility to ensure she gets food. I’ve explained that I’m trying to help, but the food she orders doesn’t reach her, or it’s something she can’t eat. I can’t keep spending all this money without it being effective.”
It’s clear this situation has become quite contentious.
Maybe her mother didn’t fully grasp what he was explaining. He seems to genuinely want to support her through this challenging time.
It’s not just that he’s taken food away; there’s a new plan now that hopefully will work better. But family members, sitting back and critiquing from a distance, might not understand the entirety of what he’s juggling. It’s easy to say what one would do differently when they aren’t the ones managing the logistics and finances.
