Dear Abby: A while back, I was in line at the grocery store when a young woman with 7 or 8 items ran back to retrieve the groceries she had left on her belt and interrupted the checkout process. Did. It happens. Understood.
She was buying name brand foods, including an $8 jar of spaghetti sauce. She used her last food stamp card and paid in cash, but still didn’t have enough money for her purchases. I was next in line so she looked at me and waited. She, the cashier and bagger (she seemed to know her) also looked at me and waited for me to cover the difference.
I often help people when I can, but my only income at the time was $150 in food assistance, so it was unusual for me not to be able to do that. I could have helped by showing her the store brands like Her 99 Cent Sauce and Macaroni Her Cheese that were on sale, but I didn’t.
As time went on, the hostility between customers and grocery store employees became more and more overt. The bagger eventually took a credit card from her wallet and paid off her balance. I’ve been torn up over this situation ever since, wondering if I was right in refusing to pick up her remaining tab. — Anxiety in Arizona
Questions: Somehow I wonder if this sin of omission will send you to hell. Your guilt is punishment enough. Paying for someone’s meal is a kind act, but do not have It’s an obligation. I couldn’t afford it at the time. Leave me alone.
Dear Abby: I have been with my husband for 30 years. We have a son “Isaac” who is 26 years old. My son is a difficult person, but her husband never listened to me when he was young, when we should have been shaping him.
Now, my husband doesn’t like Isaac as a person. He blames Isaac for all the problems in our marriage, but it’s a bigger problem than Isaac.
My husband is a good service provider, but he is a bad listener and communicator. If I even slightly suggest that he did or has done something wrong in our marriage or his son, he gets defensive and starts fighting and then blames me. I’m the loneliest married person alive. I always feel like I’m caught in the middle. Please give me advice. — In the Michigan stalemate
Dear Stuck: My son is 26 years old and an adult. At this point, nothing can change the person he has become. Your husband hates him now (you said Isaac was “difficult”) so stop defending him. The marriage you describe is not a healthy one. Your husband isn’t just a terrible listener and communicator. From your description, he’s also a bully.
I might have suggested marriage counseling, but 99% of the time he would refuse if I broached the subject. You have the right to be happy. I seriously doubt that will happen if you continue to live with this man. Consult with a marriage and family law attorney and ask what rights you have in Michigan if you are separated or divorced so you can make informed decisions about your future.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
