Reality TV romance often depicts fairy-tale dates, quick confessions of love and fantastical futures that viewers and social media followers drool over and become obsessed with almost endlessly.
On that note, recently on the “Love Island USA Reunion,” Kayla Martin accused Aaron Evans of “lovebombing” her and lamented that he wasted his entire summer dating her.
While most viewers of reality TV expect reality TV relationships to be fleeting, these rushed relationships contain enlightening lessons that may include unhealthy behaviors.
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Relationship experts said love bombing is a common manipulation tactic in the early stages of a relationship.
“Manipulative people use tactics such as over-communicating their desire to be with you, showering you with affection, and making you a priority — all before they really get to know you,” says Liana Stockard, M.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist at LifeStance Health in Boston.
Family and marriage therapists say budding romantic relationships can also include some unhealthy behaviors. (iStock)
These behaviors are used to feign love and affection towards new partners so that they let their guard down and begin to trust the manipulator, all in order to steal affection later in the relationship, Stockard said.
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“Love bombing tactics make the person being manipulated believe they have done something wrong to have their affection or affection taken away from them, and they feel like they must do anything to get it back,” she said.
Here are five key insights you should know.
1. What are some warning signs of “love bombing”?
Early on in a relationship, constant compliments, exuberant affection, and a desire to be with you all day and night are red flags of a potential culprit.
“Love bombers make their new partner feel incredibly special, showering them with gifts, doing special things just for you, and giving them loads of words of affirmation,” Stockard says.
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“They might say, 'I've never felt this way before,'” she points out. “Lovebombing goes beyond what you'd expect when you're just getting to know someone.”
If you feel like your partner is “doing too much, too soon,” it's important to pay attention to the feeling, as it could be a sign of lovebombing, Stockard says.
In love bombing, someone is tricked into believing that they have strong feelings for them because they receive special treatment at the beginning of a relationship. (iStock)
2. What if someone made you feel special instead of being “lovebombed”?
Lovebombing definitely feels really good at first, Stockard says.
Lovebombing involves people being led to believe that the person has strong feelings for them because they received special treatment, she said.
“The love bomber will likely continue this manipulation tactic, including issuing brief signs of approval in an attempt to gain further attention.”
But once a love bomber believes they've “got you” and that you're committed to them, that initial display of affection and priority fades away, Stockard says.
“This leaves the person who has been lovebombed asking themselves what they did wrong,” she added.
“In reality, the love bomber will likely continue this manipulation tactic, offering brief signs of approval as a way to gain more attention and control from the person they've been love bombed with.”
3. Is early and passionate discussion about a future together a sign of love bombing?
Having in-depth conversations about the future early on can definitely be part of lovebombing, relationship experts said.
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“Discussing the future contributes to the false sense of security that love bombers are trying to create,” Stockard says. “They want you to believe that you can build a future together.”
4. How should a person respond to a love bomber?
The best way to deal with lovebombing is to recognize that it's happening.
Although lovebombing feels good at first, “it doesn't last, so it's something you should definitely be careful of,” experts said. (iStock)
If you're feeling uncomfortable with all the attention you're receiving early on in a relationship, or your friends tell you that your partner is “moving too fast,” Stockard says this could be the beginning stages of lovebombing.
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If you notice this happening, set boundaries and make sure you acknowledge what's going on.
“Furthermore, if you notice a dramatic change in the amount of affection and attention your partner shows you, you can begin to recognize when you've been love-bombed and use that knowledge to communicate this to your partner,” Stockard said.
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So while lovebombing may feel good at first, “it doesn't last, so you definitely need to be careful,” she says.
5. How is love bombing different from a loving relationship?
Love bombing is very different from the behavior you would expect in a loving relationship.
People in loving relationships don't try to control their partner or steal their attention or affection to get what they want, Stockard said.
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“In a loving relationship, healthy communication skills emerge and your partner will encourage you to grow together, not just go along with what they want,” Stockard said.
“In a loving relationship, both partners feel secure in the relationship, love each other and are comfortable living their own lives outside of the relationship,” she said.
