Support Groups for Late-in-Life Lesbian Identity
Many women, after many years of marriage and motherhood, are now investing significant amounts of money—sometimes hundreds of dollars—to join online lesbian support groups. These groups, led by a “coming out coach,” aim to assist them as they navigate the process of coming out later in life, as highlighted in a recent report by a major news outlet.
Anne-Marie Zanzal, a coming out coach, charges $400 for a private online membership aimed at helping women, often still married to their husbands, as they undergo what she terms “sexual identity transitions.”
One testimonial on Zanzal’s website mentions, “She helped me see that leaving my marriage wasn’t selfish. It was honest. And my kids are better for it.”
Zanzal also runs a 16-week program called “This Authentic Life,” which combines live group coaching with individual coaching sessions and access to an online community dubbed “Authentically Us.”
As per the information on her website, this program assists LGBTQ+ women in addressing important questions regarding their sexuality alongside peers who are experiencing similar journeys.
In welcoming words from Zanzal’s site, “It is not too late, and you are not too late. Come as you are, and let us walk this part of the road together.”
She aims to connect with women who, like her, came to these realizations later in life. Zanzal holds a master’s degree in divinity from Yale Divinity School and launched her coaching business in 2018 after coming out at 52, following nearly three decades of marriage and raising four children.
“I help women come home to themselves—with clarity, self-kindness, and community—so they can live authentically without abandoning the lives and relationships that matter to them,” she writes on her coaching website. She stresses that her dedication to this work stems not just from her credentials but from her own lived experience.
During some support meetings, attendees share personal updates about their lives. One woman expressed her plans to reveal her sexuality to her son over a beer. Another client, named Shelly, shared her apprehension about possibly disrupting her family’s stable dynamic by coming out. She indicated that Zanzal’s guidance helped her recognize that any potential temporary discomfort for her children would ultimately be less significant than the lasting pain of hiding her true self.
Podcast host Ben Ferguson criticized the messages being conveyed through these coaching services, expressing concern over the implication that a mother’s well-being is secondary to that of her children in moments of personal discovery.
Ferguson articulated that marriage and parenting require commitment and selflessness, adding that the coaching business approach, which includes costly calls and self-paced courses, can be troubling. He suggested that it could exploit personal struggles rather than facilitate genuine support.
On the other hand, Democratic strategist Kaivan Shroff offered a different perspective, suggesting that Zanzal’s coaching fittings well within a cultural transformation, where individuals seek more community-oriented support for understanding their sexuality.
According to a recent Gallup survey, only 1% of LGBTQ+ women come out at or after the age of 50. Interestingly, there’s been a noted decline in the numbers of teenage girls identifying as lesbian or bisexual in recent years.
Zanzal has yet to respond to requests for comments regarding her program and the concerns raised.
