Breaking the Rules in Relationships

Sometimes, you might find that to keep a relationship thriving, you need to stray from the conventional path.

A couple from St. Cloud, Florida, celebrating two decades of marriage, has embraced an open relationship instead of sticking to traditional norms. Robin and Christopher Alesich reflect on the earlier years of their marriage, which were spent in a conventional monogamous setup before they started to rethink what commitment really meant to them.

Things took an intriguing turn when a female friend moved in with them, sparking deeper discussions that eventually led to their marriage in 2011.

Since shifting their approach, they’ve been involved in three long-term relationships, including one with another woman. However, they are keen to dispel the myth that polyamory is solely about sexual encounters.

“It’s definitely more than just sex. We don’t necessarily need another partner, but we desire someone to share experiences with,” Robin expressed during a conversation.

At 47 and 43 now, they admit they didn’t even have the term “polyamory” for almost ten years. But once they embraced the idea, they didn’t look back.

Setting a strong foundation early on—especially in terms of communication—has been key, they believe.

Robin emphasizes, “Tackling issues requires honest communication. If we talk openly and frequently, there’s almost nothing we can’t resolve together.”

They also shared insights on managing jealousy, suggesting that establishing boundaries from the start can ease potential insecurities. According to Robin, if you confront these issues early, it prevents complications later on.

As entrepreneurs of a polyamorous dating app called Sister Wives, the Alesiches often encounter misunderstandings about their lifestyle.

Many people, Robin notes, wrongfully assume that polyamory simply means wanting to engage in multiple sexual encounters. “There’s a stereotype that couples involved in polyamory are just being greedy,” she pointed out.

In truth, many couples prefer polyamory because it aligns with their personal values and offers a sense of freedom, rather than an escape from monogamy. “It’s about having the permission to forge meaningful connections that genuinely fulfill us,” she clarified.

Jealousy is another frequent topic of discussion. Christopher argues that jealousy can be found in any relationship, not solely within polyamorous ones.

“It’s about understanding and discussing boundaries and ‘rules’,” he said. “In a healthy polyamorous setup, open communication takes precedence, and recognizing emotions is crucial.”

The couple acknowledges that jealousy can surface but believe it’s vital to face and address feelings candidly as they arise.

Christopher elaborated on an often-overlooked aspect of polyamory: finding joy in a partner’s happiness with someone else. “Comparisons can lead to a feeling of joy when those we care for are fulfilled with another person, almost like the inverse of jealousy,” he stated.

He noted that achieving this mindset sometimes requires self-reflection and personal growth.

While they emphasize that polyamory isn’t for everyone and shouldn’t be seen as superior to monogamy, it aligns with their core values and should not be cloaked in shame.

Though they are open about their lifestyle, Robin observes that many in polyamorous relationships still feel compelled to keep their lives private for various reasons.

“It’s a misconception that polyamory has to be hidden,” she insists. “If you’re comfortable sharing your experiences with family, friends, or even strangers, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.”