Dear Abby: Eight years ago, my wife and I ended our sexual relationship. She’s busy taking care of our two grandchildren for long hours—11 to 12 each day, five or sometimes six days a week, which adds up to around 60 or 70 hours a week. When I pick her up, she’s often irritable and just wants some space. She doesn’t see how this time away from our relationship is hurting us.
Honestly, I think I’m nearing a breaking point. It’s tough to be with someone who doesn’t want to hug or kiss me after all that. By the time the kids come back home, I feel so frustrated. She just flops in her recliner and falls asleep, not wanting to engage with me. There’s a lot of love and loyalty still, but we haven’t had any intimacy in so long. I’ve tried discussing this with her, but she claims her desire is gone, without really knowing why. Any thoughts before I make a final decision? — From Alabama
Dear Alabama: I appreciate you reaching out. There could be various reasons behind your wife’s lack of energy and sex drive. There is certainly love and loyalty between you two. It might be a good idea for her to see a doctor to check her hormone levels.
It’s also worth considering how demanding caring for the grandchildren is for her. That could very well be wearing her out, but issues like thyroid problems or low estrogen levels might also play a role. There are medical options available if she’s open to them.
Your marriage is valuable, and I hope your wife comes to realize that before too much weight from her responsibilities pulls your relationship apart.
Dear Abby: I’m a 74-year-old woman without immediate family. I do have two cousins, one of whom might not know he was adopted. I discovered this secret as a child while snooping. I told his adoptive mother decades ago, and she made me promise to keep it quiet. Should I tell him now, or let him live without knowing? — Just wishing him well.
Dear Wishing Well: Given that both of your cousin’s parents are likely gone, you have to consider how he might feel if he learns that his whole life was based on a lie. Would he be accepted by siblings he never knew about? You want to share the truth, but the reality is that the people who raised him are his true parents. While it’s unfortunate, it’s probably best to keep your promise to your aunt rather than disrupt your cousin’s life.
