Relationship Advice
Dear Abby: My husband, Evan, and I have been together for five years and married for two and a half. We’re both in our early forties and have kids from previous relationships. I’ve noticed I often need to ask him for updates about his family. Sometimes, it feels like I’m considered an outsider rather than part of the family. For instance, his 19-year-old son has issues with alcohol and depression. When Evan hears news, he either gives me bits and pieces or doesn’t mention anything at all. He might just comment that he’s worried about his son and then remain quiet. I worry too, but he seems reluctant to discuss it. This isn’t the only time I’ve felt excluded from family matters. I’ve tried talking to him about how it makes me feel, but nothing seems to change. How can I let him know that I belong in his family just as he does in mine? — Merged in Minnesota
Dear Marge: Not all partners excel in communication. Perhaps the issue lies in how you approach Evan for information. As the boy’s stepmother, you’re a legitimate member of his family now. Instead of waiting for your husband to share updates, consider reaching out to the young man directly; you might get the details you need that way.
Dear Abby: At 72, I’ve lost two wives to cancer. After his last wife passed away two years ago, he went back to his hometown to be near family. Recently, I met a wonderful 27-year-old woman on a dating site, and I’m in love with her. I can see that she feels the same way. Honestly, we don’t seem to care about the age gap. My question is, if I’m thinking about proposing, does that make me a foolish old man? My family knows I’m dating her and hasn’t raised any concerns, but I sense her parents might object to the age difference. I’m older than they are. We’re unsure if we’re doing the right thing and would appreciate some outside perspectives. — Over the Moon in Ohio
Dear All: Have you spent time with her in person, or has most of your interaction been online? Since you’re serious, it might be wise to take your time before rushing into marriage. Get to know her better and allow her to meet your family. This way, you can build a solid foundation before considering engagement. Slowing down could help prevent any future issues.
Dear Abby: My wife and I have been married for nearly 28 years, and we often disagree about language, especially regarding her “negative” questions. For example, if we’re going out and I’m ready, she might ask, “Are you still not leaving?” My answer is no, because I am indeed ready and waiting. But my negative response to her negative question leads to a confusing exchange in my mind. Can you tell me who is right? — Frustrated in New Jersey
Dear Frustrated: The logic of your response isn’t the main problem. It’s not right to intentionally irritate your wife.
