Dear Abby: I’ve been married to my husband for a decade. He has struggled with depression and anxiety for as long as I’ve known him. I’ve done my best to support him through these challenges.
He’s tried therapy a few times but never really commits. Whenever things start to get serious, he backs out. He often says no one truly understands his struggles. This has had a significant impact on his life, influencing everything from sleep and eating habits to how he treats me. He also exercises excessively—like five hours daily.
His issues have affected his ability to enjoy life and manage work. He frequently takes time off, insisting he needs a break, even though he seems to do plenty of other activities. He gets very angry if I suggest he should go to work like others. Now, his employer is suing him for being absent too often. He insists it’s not his fault, claiming he’s being unfairly targeted. There are always excuses.
This has put a strain on our marriage and my relationships with my father and kids. I work as a counselor, and I’ve noticed some narcissistic traits in his behavior. I care about him deeply, but he wasn’t always this way. I don’t want to leave him, yet I feel stuck. I can’t keep living like this, and I want to ensure my children have a happy life. Any advice would be appreciated. — A struggling parent in New Mexico
Dear struggling parents: As a therapist, you likely recognize the reality that you can’t assist someone who is not ready to seek help. It might be time to prioritize your kids’ well-being. Consider giving your husband an ultimatum: he needs to seek help and stay committed, or you will have to take the children and leave. The environment you described isn’t healthy for any of you.
PS Remember, some counselors themselves seek therapy. It might be beneficial for you to have emotional support as you navigate this situation.
Dear Abby: I have friends I truly cherish. However, spending long periods together, like on multi-day trips, becomes challenging due to our differing personalities and beliefs. My friend doesn’t realize I struggle after just a few hours, yet she often invites me on trips. I’ve distanced myself without being honest. How can I kindly let her know I won’t be joining? A brief explanation from Delaware
Dear brief explanation: Let your friend know that you appreciate her and enjoy her company, but you feel “anxious” about being away from home for extended times. No need to elaborate further, but it might be wise to avoid mentioning trips with others who share your views.
Dear reader: Happy 250th anniversary, America! Wishing everyone a safe and joyful Independence Day!
PS Thinking of you, mom, on your heavenly birthday! — Love, Abby
Dear Abby was created by Abigail Van Buren, who is also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was established by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
