Dear Abby: Ten years ago, I met Richard. I was married then to “Eddie,” but we were separated for about nine months. Richard and I connected immediately; I found him very attractive. A few months in, I unexpectedly became pregnant. Richard didn’t stick around after he found out. He has since met our son “Brady” twice, but that’s about it.
Eventually, Eddie and I got back together when Brady was three. Since Richard wasn’t in the picture anymore, I asked Eddie to terminate Richard’s rights so we could adopt Brady legally. Richard didn’t contest this, allowing us to proceed.
Later, I discovered that Richard never informed his family about Brady. I reached out to them, but they want nothing to do with us. Despite having photos of Brady with Richard and the fact that Brady knows who his dad is, they don’t accept him as part of their family because Richard’s rights were severed and they never knew him.
Now, Eddie and I are divorced, and I feel my son is being treated unfairly. Should I just let it all go and move on? Arizona’s Tangled Web
Dear Tangled Web: Pursuing Richard’s family further won’t lead to anything good. The situation changed when Richard gave up his parental rights and Eddie adopted Brady. Eddie, for now, is financially responsible for Brady until he’s an adult, and it seems he’s behaving more responsibly than Richard. I hope they maintain a good relationship, even post-divorce.
Dear Abby: I’ve been married for nearly 40 years and just retired. I’m quite active—hiking, biking, golfing—and I’m in great shape. My wife, however, is the opposite; she’s completely sedentary and won’t join me in these activities. She has some mobility issues that could be fixed with surgery, but she refuses to have it done. If this continues, she’ll likely need my help as a caregiver in the future.
This might sound selfish, but I feel a bit trapped. I thought I’d enjoy my retirement, but her refusal to take care of herself is getting in the way. Is it wrong for me to consider divorce, seeing that she’s not responsible for her health and expects me to care for her? Will this ruin my golden years? end of my rope in new york
Dear End: You mentioned feeling trapped, but when you took your vows, you committed to “in sickness and in health.” This is part of that commitment. It’s unfortunate your wife is afraid of the surgery she needs. Perhaps if you share your feelings with her, she might reconsider her choices. A good starting point might be consulting a doctor together to explore options for her health.
