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Happy Thursday everyone. Therefore, the universe sometimes reminds us that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Like after Jesse Watters was diagnosed with a micropenis, he was able to work until 8 p.m.
Emily Compagno: Would you say that?
yes. Here’s another example. If you’ve never heard of the wildly popular comedian named Shane Gillis, here’s a taste of him.
Shane Gillis: The night the United States killed the leader of ISIS, Trump comes out of the Situation Room at like midnight…He walks in front of the whole world at midnight and just says, “Abu Bakr Al. -Baghdadi is dead.” He died like a dog… in front of the whole world, Abu. I can hear him crying, I said, Abu, right? Let me tell you something. Abu cried, cried a lot. I wouldn’t have cried. Cry, Baghdadi baby. We all called him that.
Bud Light partners with comedian Shane Gillis after bankruptcy from Grace
He’s funny and plays Trump better than Alec Baldwin. Plus, he hasn’t shot anyone yet. But what’s special about Gillis is that he defeated cancel culture. In 2019, he was hired as a cast member on Saturday Night Live, but was fired before appearing on the show after people dug up old clips of him making jokes about Asians. If you’ve watched SNL over the past few years, you might even say he was lucky. Well, he’s the kind of guy who causes a scene at the gate, so he’s banned from boarding the plane, and the plane crashes. SNL is like a plane crash, it’s just not funny.
Tyrus: oh.
thank you. He received applause from the sick, but it wouldn’t be surprising if he was fired before he even went on stage. He was too dangerous for elitist snobs who think Trump or the Republican Party is an automatic punch line. Also, he didn’t check the boxes they liked, and the ones he did check for white men were like a French kiss from his grandma. The last thing they wanted. But in reality, they needed him more than he needed them. Since then, he has achieved great success. Enter Bud Light, you remember, right? Last year, they briefly partnered with transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney, which alienated their customer base and led to a boycott that cost billions of dollars. Thankfully we didn’t cover it.
Shane Gillis/Bud Light (Getty Images)
Country star Brantley Gilbert refuses a Bud Light thrown at him on stage: ‘Damn!’
Greg Gutfeld April 13th: It started on April 1st following Mulvaney, aka Pee Wee She/He…Anheuser-Busch lost 5 billion on a B like B cup.
Greg Gutfeld April 17: Sales are plummeting faster than Hunter Biden’s pants at the porn theater… Mulvaney influenced Bud’s customers to switch to St. Pauli Girl, so what’s under the skirt? There’s no need to wonder anymore.
Greg Gutfeld May 17: After all, I prefer beer nuts in a bowl.
Greg Gutfeld June 30: This is the first time Dylan has complained about the scandal. Further proof that he is not a woman.
Greg Gutfeld April 13th: How about an Adam’s apple?
In other words, their awakened desperation caused Anheuser-Busch’s stock to fall faster than Chris Christie in a hot air balloon. So have they learned their lesson? Guess who Bud Light is currently partnering with: Shane Gillis. Yes, public humiliation seems to work, as Bud Light cut ties with Mulvaney faster than Meghan Markle cut off Prince Harry’s balls. In the realm of normal guys, Dennis Gillis is about as far as you can go from Mulvaney without a beer belly transplant. So Bud announced on Instagram: “Welcome to team @ShaneMGillis. Looking forward to joining you on tour in 2024.” And you have to admit that’s a much better slogan than 2023 Beer King Bud for queens with penises. So why now? Well, maybe they took notice of Joe Rogan.
Joe Rogan May 2023: I think you should be the new spokesperson, you can turn this situation around.
Shane Gillies May 2023: You better hurry and give me the money or I’ll start drinking Coors Light.
Who knew it could be this easy? You should try it. Hey Prep H, you better give me the money or I’ll change tack. Don’t know about tax?
Tyrus: no i don’t.
Then you are not alive.
Tyrus: I don’t live there.
Bud Light is on sale for cheaper than water in some places
So Anheuser-Busch clearly wants to move forward and start selling beer again. They learned her two important rules of marketing. It’s about not insulting your core customers, and when choosing a spokesperson, your beer-drinking buddies want a girl in a bikini, not a girl who asks people to contact you.
Emily Compagno: oh my god.
And when it comes to Gillis, what better spokesperson than a man who actually looks like he uses the product a lot? That’s how companies keep laughing all the way to the bank instead of the unemployment line. While Mulvaney acted as if he had never seen beer before the ad was filmed, Gillis appears to be spooning 30 packs every night. It’s mandatory. Find a spokesperson who looks like he uses the product or is similar to the product. If I were Mattel, she would hire this woman to sell the He-Man doll.
Tyrus: One of my childhood favorite toys.
Bud Light Vice President Alissa Heinerscheid explains how she brings her personal values to the Bud Light brand. (Podcast for spending time at home)
Heineken CEO says companies need to ‘strike a balance’ after Bud Light controversy
sorry.Alyssa Heinerscheidt, remember, that’s the executive who brought in Mulvaney. [and] Bud once complained that he used too much crude humor in the past. Guess who handed me a Quarter Pounder through the drive-thru window yesterday? Alyssa Heinerscheidt. McDonald’s is also for grumpy bastards. But you know who likes bad humor? people who drink beer. A person who likes drinking beer. your customer. We’re not selling to trans influencers. I only have one, and I used it in an ad. So Bud is doing the right thing and doing what’s good for them. Perhaps our leaders will learn the same lesson. If you insult those who made you, they too may destroy you. At least now we have a humanistic spokesperson who intentionally makes us laugh, and not because she looks like Audrey Hepburn. If anything, this will pave the way for other troubled brands to do the same. Because maybe a man is the answer. Maybe Disney should hire Larry the Cable Guy and Ben and Jerry’s should hire Tyrus. He may have his own flavor, kick-ass crunch.
Tyrus: I might try that.
Yes, Victoria’s Secret too. Well, maybe it’s time.
Emily Compagno: oh my god.
I’m going to get in shape. While SNL has been tottering along like a solar-powered Prius, Bud Light has done a great job of rediscovering its core values. First Bud won the UFC, then Peyton Manning, and now Gillis. If they get more frazzled, they’ll sponsor a fart lighting contest.
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