The Unspoken Rules of Emoji Use in Dating

In today’s dating scene, there are some unspoken guidelines that can determine whether a budding romance flourishes or fizzles out. Most of us are familiar with the basics: avoid discussing your ex too soon, ensure you’re reachable but not overly accommodating when planning dates, and at least offer to cover the bill on that first outing.

But what about the nuances of texting potential partners, particularly regarding emojis?

According to Emojipedia, the top three emojis out of the 3,953 recognized ones include the red heart, the crying face, and a burst of golden glitter.

However, New York City psychotherapist Lauren Tetenbaum, who specializes in working with women in their twenties to forties, suggests exercising caution when it comes to emoticons in text conversations. “I think the way emojis are used really depends on how well you know each other and how genuine it feels,” she noted.

Tetenbaum mentioned that many of her clients prefer meeting in person rather than engaging in text exchanges. A frequent sentiment she hears is: “I’m not looking for a pen pal,” whether it’s just a day or even ten days before a date. She advises against excessive emoji use during the initial get-to-know-you phase.

Interestingly, she shared that she herself tends to use emojis often, typical of a “married millennial mom,” citing the melting face and double pink heart as her favorites. She emphasized that if using emojis feels authentic, there’s no need to abandon them entirely, but they should remain light-hearted.

“Avoid going overboard with extreme facial expressions, like laughing or crying emojis. Did you truly find that text so interesting?” Tetenbaum cautioned. Additionally, she recommends steering clear of sexual emojis in serious situations, particularly if you haven’t yet entered that phase with your partner.

Annie Kim, a single beauty injector in Los Angeles, mentioned her go-to emojis include the gasping red face, a flame, and the infamous eggplant, along with three water drops, which she considers quite suggestive. “It’s just like being insulted,” Kim explained. “We all know what these emojis mean… Men might send them, but once you call them out, they tend to retreat.”

Danit Sibowitz, a comedian from New York, reflected on her feelings toward the eggplant emoji, saying, “If a guy sends me an eggplant to describe himself, I’d rather send him a puke face because I know it’s not true.” She added that while some may flaunt their supposed prowess, it’s often more of a facade, revealing deeper insecurities.

Scott Scheepker, a film producer from Des Moines, has taken notes from past relationships and acknowledges that women he’s dated have expressed frustration about men rushing to use suggestive emojis. He joked with the Post, “Guys, you can’t skip the small talk and jump straight to Pornhub in your first or second text.”

It’s not just the overtly suggestive emojis that can send the wrong message. A simple thumbs-up might imply disinterest or lack of effort. Nikki Murray, a 43-year-old from Manhattan, expressed her disdain for such shorthand, preferring full sentences that convey sincere emotions. “Words add depth, and that extra effort in communication is meaningful,” she affirmed.

Top matchmaker Bonnie Winston echoed the advice on thoughtful communication, warning against using “harmful” emojis. “Your messages reflect who you are,” she said. “So please, never send the ‘pile of poop’ emoji to anyone!”

Ultimately, Winston emphasized that thorough communication is key when texting a potential partner. “When you’re messaging, less is often more. Words carry weight and require thought. Emojis can certainly add fun, but they can also come off as lazy. Before sending one, consider how you’d feel receiving it. A string of emojis might seem childish, sending the wrong message instead of fostering a serious conversation.”