The last Friday in July is National Elevator Conversation Day. As the name suggests, the day encourages participants to start conversations with strangers in elevators, a practice that many people frown upon, especially in the polite South where I live.
Comedian Steven Wright once commented on our societal penchant for elevator silence: “When I was a kid, my granddad would make me stand still in a closet for five minutes. He said it was elevator practice.” But in the age of the iPhone, things are different.
“Check your apartment lease if you like, Phil, but I don’t think you could physically take 1,000 head of cattle.”
A stranger is just as likely to carry on a phone conversation in your presence, even for a brief moment, as he or she is likely to remain silent in an elevator. This overheard snippet is not a conversation in itself, but it is a starting point that can be used on National Free Conversation Day.
The person you choose to chat with is not the guy blabbering on his phone about the importance of the quarterly figures, the weekend fool raving about the power of his new irons to the person on the other end of the phone, or the childish guy telling someone he calls “Sally” how “great” his weekend is going to be.
Once the call is over (because calls don’t usually continue once the door is closed), strike up a conversation with the person who seems most interesting based on the content of the phone conversation you overheard.
Pick a stranger in an elevator who said something like this:
“I know what you’re saying, Bob, but they say that eating freshly baked cookies in the treehouse doesn’t make you one of the Keebler Elves. What? Oh, that’s what they say.”
“Try it again, but this time play the French horn softer and the didgeridoo more.”
“So you were unaware that you were doing tandem hang gliding with Van Morrison all this time?”
“It was a tough time for me when I discovered that pants aren’t reversible.”
“It makes no sense to me, but if Fed Chairman Powell and character actress Margo Martindale are in favor of it, there’s no way I’m against it.”
“I can’t speak for now, but it’s hard to imagine anyone blocking jetpack technology for personal travel.”
“What are the top three American presidents I’d like to have watching over my shoulder in hand-to-hand combat? Easy: Coolidge, Jackson, and Polk. Oh, no nunchucks? Substitute Taft for Polk.”
“Yes, you’re right. Shoulder repositioning surgery sure does suck.”
“Mayor Mac’n’Cheese and Hamburglar will be there, but Grimace’s aides want the second act rewritten.”
“I’m sorry your dinner date gave you the cold shoulder, but just to be clear, I never said he dances like no one is watching. I only said he watches like no one is dancing.”
“Phil, check your apartment lease if you like, but I don’t think you could physically take 1,000 head of cattle.”
“See you at the reenactment of the Battle of Bull Run, Sister Hanrahan.”
Anyone who says that is bound to be intrigued, and who knows? Maybe you’ll make a new friend while celebrating National Elevator Talk Day. Of course, that would leave you with nothing to do on National New Friends Day, October 16.
