Jimmy Fallon Opens Up About Dark Thoughts from His Early Career

During a recent episode of the podcast CEO’s Diary, NBC’s The Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon discussed his mental state when he was pursuing a career in comedy. He recalled telling British entrepreneur Stephen Bartlett that he believed if he didn’t land a spot on Saturday Night Live by the age of 25, he might, well, seriously consider taking drastic measures.

Fallon paused when Bartlett brought it up, saying, “I was planning to commit suicide.” This admission led to a conversation about the pressures he felt back then, especially in the cutthroat entertainment industry.

When Bartlett asked what Fallon had written in his diaries, the comedian reiterated his old fears about not being on SNL by 25. Bartlett then asked, “Did you really mean that?” to which Fallon confirmed, “Yeah, I did.” However, he also emphasized that he didn’t necessarily see it as a concrete plan but more of an overwhelming feeling of pressure.

“It’s kind of insane,” Bartlett remarked about Fallon’s past thoughts, pointing out how serious the topic of suicide is. Fallon admitted that the thought of not achieving his dreams weighed heavily on him, yet he expressed gratitude for how things turned out.

Interestingly, Bartlett shared his own experiences, explaining that he had similar goals in his diary regarding what he wanted to achieve by 25, but he never considered harming himself if those goals weren’t met. “It’s not funny, I had the same thing, but thankfully I didn’t say I was going to kill myself,” he said.

In response, Fallon seemed to laugh nervously, perhaps trying to lighten the mood. He attempted to clarify his earlier remark about feeling suicidal, saying, “I think I typed that,” and mentioning his obsession with recording his thoughts on his computer. “I think it’s somewhere in the file. I think I said I’d kill myself,” he noted, reflecting on those intense emotions from his younger years.