I don’t know if I should tell my kids my boyfriend has HIV

Dear Abby: I’m a gay man who came out late in life. I am married and have three grown children and five grandchildren. They are my world and we are all so close. I had one partner. He made me happy, so my family immediately accepted and welcomed him. Unfortunately, it didn’t work.

I am seeing another person and our connection is very strong. We have a lot in common. I think I’m in love and I’m imagining a future with him. He is HIV positive. I am on his PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis). This is the most effective drug to prevent HIV infection. We weren’t close, but I know all the literature says the risk of infection is extremely low.

My children are bright, intelligent and “enlightened”. Maybe I should tell my boyfriend that he is becoming more positive. Part of me thinks it’s his truth and he should tell them if he feels compelled. I will not publish it without his permission. Another part of me thinks this is not an issue for my children because it only applies to intimate situations. But I’ve always been upfront with my kids about almost everything.

So now I’m wondering what to do. Either I tell them (or tell him) and risk a negative reaction, or I keep it a secret no matter how uncomfortable it is for me. please let me know. — How honest in the East!

Honestly: If you have a compelling reason for your adult children to know your friend’s HIV status, I recommend telling them. But none of them are likely to have sex with this person, so there’s no reason to share that information.

Dear Abby: I have one sister who I love very much. Our parents passed away 12 years ago. Although we are trying, our relationship is not good. Recently, I started emailing again.

Her son is planning to get married in a few months. I have three children. Her 26-year-old son got into a lot of trouble and caused trouble for her sister’s family. He doesn’t go to the wedding. My other sons are his 18 and he 21 and have never had a problem.

I maintain some level of relationship with my nephew. He has only three cousins ​​on his mother’s side. He has at least 17 cousins ​​on his father’s side. Many of them have spouses and all of them are invited.

My younger sons don’t. I was so hurt that I decided to not attend. The nephew’s excuse for not inviting his sons was “attendance is strict”.

Is it wrong not to go? I feel like my sister and her children (all but one) don’t want a relationship with my family. If it’s clear that the feelings are not reciprocated, should you let them go or continue in the relationship? — Deeply wounded in Texas

To all of you who have been deeply hurt: It is a shame that your two law-abiding sons are tainted with the same stain as your black sheep son. They don’t deserve it. However, we caution against overreacting, such as boycotting the wedding. If you attend, you’ll have the opportunity to strengthen family ties and talk about how proud you are of your two young sons who are walking the straight and narrow path.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).



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