Dear Abby: I recently reconnected with a woman I had a brief date with back in the 1980s, and we’ve had no contact since then. We’re both around the same age. After getting married a year apart, we both ended up divorced after two decades. She found me on social media and suggested we chat to “catch up.”
This led to an invitation to get together, so I drove two hours to her house. We had a fantastic day and evening, and when I was leaving, she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. Then she kissed me on the lips. I honestly didn’t see that coming, but it felt wonderful! It reminded me of those childhood crushes. I completely forgot that feeling was even possible.
Since our meeting last month, we’ve spent every weekend together, and I really have a special place in my heart for her. My dilemma? I said the “L-Word” a bit too soon. I tried explaining that I meant it as a way to express “compassion and affection,” and I didn’t want to pressure her.
I reassured her that I didn’t expect her to reciprocate immediately; I just wanted her to know I care about her. I understand that some people might recoil when they hear those words too quickly—she might be one of them. Is there anything I can do to ease her concerns as we move forward? Are there suggested timelines for sharing romantic feelings? – Texas Reader
Dear Reader: I kind of wish you had shared how she reacted when you told her you loved her. Did she smile? Look uncomfortable? Or was she silent? There’s no set timeline for expressing love; it’s really about how you feel in the moment. Feelings can shift; sometimes they deepen, and sometimes they don’t. Pay close attention to her cues. If your words made her tense, that’s something to consider. Just let your relationship develop at its own pace, and try not to rush anything.
Dear Abby: I live with a man I truly admire. I purchased my first house at 23, and we have two kids together that we’ve raised. We both work and seem to get along fine.
The issue? He’s an alcoholic. He’s never loud or aggressive; he just quietly falls asleep. On the surface, he looks like a great guy. But, Abby, I feel so lonely sometimes that I cry. He’s usually asleep by 2 or 3 PM on weekends. We hardly go out, and now that all the kids have moved out, we should be enjoying life. I want to travel, dance, and hike, while he just seems content to stay in the garage. Help! – Lonely in the West
Dear Lonely: Have you had a conversation with him about what’s leading him to live this way? Your letter doesn’t indicate that you’re married. Life isn’t a rehearsal; you’ve invested too much to let it pass you by. If you dream of dancing and hiking, go out and do those things.
It sounds like he’s in his own world, and you’re not blocking him. He might not even notice if you’re gone. If traveling excites you, arrange trips with friends. And think about attending Al-Anon meetings; it seems like you’re not actually planning to leave him. They can provide support and help you take charge of your life again.
