Dear Abby: I’ve been cheating on my husband for several months and I don’t know how to come clean. I feel like she’s a terrible person. We have been married for 17 years and the first four or five years were happy. We don’t have many disagreements, but when we do, he always wins. Because he’s intense, intelligent, and very intimidating, and I always end up backing away.
I’m starting to feel depressed and anxious because I’m so uncomfortable around him and I’m careful about what I say. I am in therapy and trying very hard to speak up for myself.
The deception I’m talking about is that I rented an apartment in another town and lied about going to see my sister, daughter, and mother. However, if I wanted to feel at least a little bit of peace, I would read a book, knit, or just… Our finances are separate (his choice) so he doesn’t know anything.
The reason I’m scared to tell my husband that I want to leave him is because a few years ago I expressed how unhappy I was and said he didn’t understand how small and scared I was. He was horribly furious and he cried and begged me to stay. He felt so guilty that he stayed. He knows I’m unhappy. He even knows that his own quiet underlying anger scares me. I feel like the bad guy when he pathetically begs me to stay.
I feel so much better when I’m away from him, but I’m scared of how he’ll react if I say I want to leave him for good. I know that if I muster up the courage, I could lose everything we have together. Please give me advice. — face the truth
Dear everyone: Now is the time to consult an attorney before taking any action. Doing so will help you determine exactly what kind of financial hit you could take if you implement your retirement plan. Since they are financially separate, it may not be as bad as you fear.
If you are concerned about your safety, you may also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 (thehotline.org). The people there will help you make a safe escape plan.
Dear Abby: My significant other loves playing video games. I think he became addicted. I don’t know how to tell him that enough is enough. I would like to listen to him and realize, but he is too obsessed with video games. He even participated in his hobbies together. Am I a “bad person” because I want to spend quality time? what can i do? — Lost a game in Maryland
Dear Lost: There’s nothing wrong with playing video games, as long as you don’t get carried away. Tell your significant other that if you want to continue your relationship, you need to spend more time together. Tell him that you no longer feel seen and heard and that it hurt. His reaction will tell you everything about whether your romance will be saved or not.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
