Dear Abby: On paper, I’m an excellent woman. I have a PhD in Educational Leadership and had a 36 year career in the education field, primarily as a school administrator. I am financially stable and have many friends. I also suffer from extreme loneliness and that is my challenge.
I was well accepted when I lived upstate, but after moving to Florida I had a hard time getting into volunteer work. It took him five years to get me accepted into volunteer work in the community, and that was because of board intervention. I was told there were no openings on certain committees until someone asked me about my background. I’ve joined a charity organization, but it costs over $1,000 a year and they often don’t accept volunteers.
Recently, there was a networking event hosted by this group. I wasn’t invited. I found out about it when someone offered me a ride. The mistake must be in me, so I asked the doctor for the name of someone I could talk to, and he was negative. I feel more and more alone and don’t know what to do. Do you have any suggestions? — Off Track in Stuart, Florida
Dear Offtrack: Are you affiliated with a local religious institution? If so, it may be helpful to speak with the clergy and ask why you were excluded from volunteering. Most communities are in dire need of people who can donate their time and help. If that conversation doesn’t give you any insight into attitudes toward newcomers to the city, it may be time to consider relocating to a more welcoming city with opportunities for those who want to share their time and talents. I don’t know.
P.S. If there are other Northerners who have been sidelined like you, consider forming your own group and connecting with them. If you do that, you might be able to make better friends.
Dear Abby: I am a 75 year old man and have been happily married for 45 years. we are healthy. We have two children of his, two beautiful daughters of his, and a son of his, who unfortunately we lost to cancer 20 years ago.
My problem is that I have bad dreams. Sometimes it’s almost a nightmare and I don’t know why. If you have 100 dreams, 99 are bad. Two nights ago I woke up to the screams of one of them. I don’t have any stress, I’m financially stable, and my life is going well.
I have consulted two experts on this matter and none have an answer to my problem. Have you heard of this and do you have any advice? — Bad Night in New Jersey
Dear Bad Night: I’ve heard of this in relation to PTSD. I share my perspective on what is going on with you all with the clear understanding that I am not licensed to practice medicine (or psychotherapy) in any state in the United States.
It has been said that dreams can be a means by which our unconscious mind tries to resolve problems and traumas. This may include the untimely death of your son.
I’m sorry you didn’t mention what kind of doctor you consulted about your nightmares. Sessions with a licensed psychologist with expertise in treating PTSD may help resolve the issue.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
