Dear Abby: Both my parents have passed away quite a bit recently – almost two for my father, three years ago, for my mother. They are buried in the town where I live. All other relatives of their generation are also gone.
I place artificial flowers in their graves, but I rarely pass by them, and my children and grandchildren do not visit them. They have memories of the time they spent with my parents.
I want people to know that I respect my parents, so I put flowers, but I often forget to change them seasonally. I want to stop but I need to be sure it's okay. Do graves adorn generations, and is this trend not something that is not done at this age and age? – West Virginia Critical Questions
Dear Tomb Questions: Let me express my sympathy for the loss of your parents. Tomb decoration is a personal choice. Some individuals and families do it on the birthday of their deceased loved one. Others do it on the anniversary of their death.
Time to show affection and respect to our loved ones While they are alive. If you did it, you have nothing to apologise for deciding to shrink it or stop it completely.
Dear Abby: My wife and I are retired seniors. We live in a beautiful two-storey house built 14 years ago. At the time we thought it would be our last home, but in my opinion it no longer meets our needs. I want to move and reduce. The problem is that my wife hasn't done so.
Throughout our 50 years of marriage, we have lived in four homes and she did not do that every time I moved. She attaches emotionally to the house. I explained to her that she needed a one-storey house or condo, close to the kids living across town.
Just cultivating the subject makes her very upset. I believe she will die before she does. After my funeral, knowing that she will go home and not face many problems, it will give me peace.
When I die, our children hope she will come near anyway. After that, she has to adjust and handle the movements herself. This is a massive job, even with the help of two sons. I have been able to easily take the position of myself disappearing, so I care what, but I care.
I was looking for her to our whole marriage and I would like to finish the job. advice? –– Ohio State Hero Husband
Dear Hero's Husband: There are a few. You signed your letter “Hiro's Husband”, but in your enthusiasm, eager to take care of and protect your wife, could you have infantilized her? Her feelings about this subject should be respected.
Many widows (unless she was first dead, it may be years before she was alone) but find strength and wit they didn't know they had after her husband's death. What happens in this house must be a decision not just by you, but by your family.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Please contact dear Abby http://www.dearabby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
